


Come On, Love (Watch Me Fall Apart)

by taylordswift



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Step-Sibling Incest, Step-siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:06:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 25,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4418723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylordswift/pseuds/taylordswift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla and Laura become unlikely step-sisters, when their parents marry each other. They are in their senior year of highschool. Carmilla is human. Slowburn. Angst galore. Eventual smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I: You know nothing (yeah, but I'd still take you home)

****

**Laura Hollis POV**             

You knew he had been seeing someone by the way he began to genuinely smile again, without the glistening of held back tears in his eyes. You knew he was in love by the way he stopped changing the station when a love song came up. And you knew he was going to propose by the way he stopped visiting your mother’s grave every Sunday – out of guilt or respect, you never knew.

“When am I gonna get to meet her?” You ask, leaning on the kitchen countertop, watching hungrily as your dad makes you a set of pancakes. There’s already a mug of hot cocoa in front of you, which you’re letting cool off.

“Meet who?” He asks you, his back still turned to you, busying himself with trying to make a perfectly circular pancake. He frowns when it doesn’t quite work out.

“Whoever it is that has you so smitten,” you smile and he lets out a hearty laugh. He turns to you, a plate of stacked pancakes in his hand.

“Now, how do you know about that?” He asks, frowning - but he isn’t mad and you can tell by the softness in his eyes.

“You’re not that great at hiding it,” you say, digging into your meal and happily stuffing your face, though your eyes remain fixated and expectant, looking up at him.

“Well, kiddo,” he sighs. “Her name is Lilita Morgan.”

“Oooh,” you tease. “Go on.”

“She’s a widow, has an adopted daughter – about your age, actually – and, uh, she’s incredibly beautiful and intelligent and cultured” he boasts, blushing a little.

“That’s amazing, dad,” you smile. “What does she do?”

“She’s unemployed right now. Her late husband was Charles Karnstein so –”

“Charles Karnstein?” you interrupt, gasping and nearly choking on a piece of pancake. “The _multimillionaire_ , Charles Karnstein?” Your dad nods, a bit confused at your outburst.

“He left his entire fortune to his kid, Carmilla, but she’s only allowed to access it until she’s turned 21. So Lilita isn’t rich herself,” he explains and you remain silent for a moment. Your immediate thought is that this Lilita chick is trying to get some money out of your dad, but then you realize that although he is relatively well-off economically, it does not compare to the grossly wealthy lifestyle that she must be used to. “She’s a nice woman, Laura,” your dad goes on to fill the silence, noticing your uncertainty about the woman. “Trust me, that whole Charles Karnstein thing threw me off a first too, but once I got to know her, I realized we had a lot more in common than meets the eye.”

“I’m happy for you, dad,” you say genuinely and he smiles at you, taking his hand and rubbing the top of your head the way he used to when you were just a kid.

“Finish your pancakes, kiddo.”

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

              “Carmilla,” your mom calls, stepping into your room. You’re looking down at your book, curled up in your bed, enjoying the heavy weight of printed words on you. “Carmilla,” she repeats and you sigh, rolling your eyes, and lifting your gaze to her. She’s wearing a long black dress that your father bought her. You raise your eyebrows as if to say _what_ and she scoffs, exasperated. “I need you to get dressed.”

              “I am dressed,” you reply with a small, sarcastic smirk, as you turn back down to your book. Suddenly it’s ripped out of your hands and thrown on the bed. You look up, a bit startled, finding the raging stare of Maman. Suddenly you’re shaken with intimidation, and the reminder that your father isn’t here to protect you anymore fills you with a bit of fear. You hide it well. “Fine,” you scoff, standing up. “What’s the occasion?” you ask, walking into your closet and analyzing the hundreds of dresses that line up against the walls.

              “We’re having dinner with John and his daughter, so please be nice,” you hear her say from your room.

              “Who’s John again?” you question, picking out a black dress, with sheer lace paneling and a flirty A-line silhouette. You strip from your leather pants and tank top.

              “John Hollis,” your Maman replies. “The guy I’ve been seeing. Carmilla, I’ve been telling you about him for months.”

              “Oh, right,” you say indifferently, slipping into the dress and walking over to the side of the closet that holds your shoes, and pick out a pair of glossy black heels.

              “His daughter is your age,” Maman continues about things you don’t care. “So hopefully you two can become close friends.” You scoff, but she doesn’t hear you.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

“Okay what about this?” you ask, twirling around in a pastel pink dress.

              “You look beautiful,” your dad says, “Just like you did in the last five dresses.” You pout. “Come on, honey, you’re more nervous about this than I am.”

              “This is a super important moment,” you argue, plopping yourself on the couch next to him. He’s wearing the nicest suit he owns. He wraps his arm around you and pulls you in for a hug. “Dad, the dress!” you yell playfully, giggling as he refuses to let you go of a big bear hug.

\---

**Carmilla Karnsein POV**

You’re scrolling through your phone mindlessly like you have been for the last half hour, sighing out of boredom every now and then. John and Maman seem to be so completely enveloped in each other (gross) to even notice that you’re there with them – which you’re eternally grateful for. The real problem is the tiny blonde who’s sitting next to you and is trying so painfully to make small talk with you.

              “So you’re eighteen, too, right?” she pokes and you reply with a hum, without even bothering to look up at her. “What school do you go to?” You roll your eyes, glancing up. She has a pair of innocent, deer eyes that makes you want to cringe.

              “I’m homeschooled,” you reply dryly, turning back down to your phone.

              “Oh, well that’s interesting,” she comments, clearly just trying to seem polite. “So anyway…” _God, when will she ever shut up._ “It’s pretty cool that our parents found each other, don’t you think?” You shrug. “I mean, I guess it can be a bit weird… It’s a bit weird for me because of my mom, but I try to put my feelings aside. I really just want my dad to be happy, you know?” You say nothing. Maybe she’ll get it and stop talking. “I’m sure it must be weird for you too because of your dad, but I’m sure he’d want her to be happy too.” Nope. You shake your head, frustrated and annoyed and just one poke away from ripping this kid’s head off.

              “Listen, cupcake,” you say, turning to her again. “Just because our parents happen to be inexplicably head over heels over each other, doesn’t mean you and I have to be friends.” She furrows her brow and pouts, which you find a little – just a tiny bit – cute.

              “Fine,” she sighs sadly, and turns away from you. _Finally._

              “I’d like to make an announcement,” Laura’s dad suddenly says, smiling, holding Maman’s hand and lifting up a glass of champagne. _Oh god, what now?_ “I wanted us all to have this family dinner together because Lilita and I have something very special we want to share with you.” Laura’s eyes fill with excitement and a wide smile is spread across her face. Maman’s too busy staring lovingly at John to notice your look of incredible annoyance. “Lilita and I are engaged to wed.”

              Laura yelps in excitement next to you, and you jump in surprise. _What the fuck,_ you think to yourself. “ _They_ ’re getting married, creampuff, not you,” you say, but she ignores you, getting up and going over o hug them.

              “Congratulations!” she beams.

              “Yeah, congrats,” you huff from your seat, lifting up Maman’s champagne glass and drinking the whole thing while she’s not looking.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

              The first time you saw her walk nonchalantly into the restaurant, you could have sworn that time stood still and the room was filled with nothing but the beating of your heart. But then she talked. She talked and scoffed and groaned and rolled her eyes at you during the entire evening. No matter how hard you tried, she kept pushing you farther and farther away, until she flat out told you that she didn’t want to be your friend. It probably hurt a lot more than it should have.

              Now it’s the wedding day and you’re sitting next to her, waiting for the ceremony to begin. She’s on her phone – she’s always on her phone – sitting crossed legged and beautiful. She’s wearing a long black dress and red lipstick that emphasize the whiteness of her skin. You lean in and whisper to her.

              “You know, you’re not supposed to wear black to a wedding.”

              “There are plenty of other people here in black, cutie,” she whispers back and her voice is almost seductive. “Why don’t you go annoy them instead?”

              “They’re wearing _suits_ ,” you explain. “You’re wearing a black _dress_.”

              “Are you being sexist now?” she smirks, raising an eyebrow and you feel yourself grow embarrassed.

              “No, no – that’s not what I – it’s just –” you stumble for words and her smirk grows bigger. You can tell this is entertaining to her. “It’s just tradition.”

              “Ah, tradition,” she mocks you. “Like how marriages should only be between a man and a woman? That sort of tradition? I didn’t peg you as a homophobe, cupcake.”

“What? No, I’m not – that isn’t –” You can feel yourself turn red and she laughs.

“Don’t hurt yourself. I’m only joking.” You scoff and eye her angrily. She smirks at this, probably glad she can cause this reaction in you with only a few words. “You’re cute when you’re angry,” she says and your eyes widen. You certainly weren’t expecting _that_.She chuckles at your reaction and goes back to her phone.

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

Weddings are so boring, especially when you’re stuck sitting next to an always up-beat Laura Hollis. You realize, however, that frustrating her is incredibly entertaining. So you do this for a while, before even that becomes boring. You groan when your phone dies and lay your head on the table on top of your crossed arms.

              “Uh, you okay?” Laura asks cautiously and you only groan in response, before lifting your head up and meeting her genuinely worried look. She cleans up quite well, actually, with a pretty blue dress and high heels. There’s something in you that appreciates that.

              “Do you drink, cupcake?” you ask and she furrows her brow in confusion.

              “Sometimes, yeah,” she says, but you can tell she’s lying. This girl has never gotten drunk in her life. Suddenly, you have a mission.

              “Let’s play a game, then,” you suggest and she looks at you worriedly. “Every time someone comes up to say hi, but you don’t know who they are, you take a drink.” You can see her start to consider this, looking around the room. A very large lady catches her eye and starts walking over, but Laura doesn’t notice this. “Cutie, you in or out?” you urge.

              “Uh, in,” she exclaims nervously and you can’t help but smirk. The lady is at your table now, smiling widely at Laura.

              “Laura, honey!” she chirps and you can see Laura’s eyes immediately fill with fear. You can’t help but laugh. “You’ve grown so big. I remember when you were a little chubby baby,” the lady goes on and Laura turns bright red and chuckles nervously. After a while of this, the lady finally leaves and Laura eyes you angrily. She really does look cute when she’s angry.

              “Drink up, Hollis,” you smirk, handing over a glass of vodka that someone left on your table. She huffs, pressing her lips together, before taking the glass and taking a sip. “Oh, come on,” you tease. “You call that a drink?” She rolls her eyes before placing the glass back to her lips and taking another drink.

In less than an hour Laura is completely wasted.

“I just don’t understand,” she groans, leaning into you. “He has the book, right? He knows when the book was written… Why can’t he hop in the TARDIS and find the Ponds?” You have no idea what she’s talking about, but you can’t keep your eyes off of her. You feel so engrossed and you don’t know why, so you blame it on the vodka you’ve been drinking too. “You know what I mean?” she asks, slurring her words and you smile. “He didn’t have to lose them.” Her voice turns sad suddenly.

“Aw, come on, Hollis,” you say and your voice comes out softer than you meant it to. “Cheer up. I’m sure your doctor will find some other hopeless puppy to follow him around.” Laura sighs and nods, before resting her head on your shoulder. You let her say there for a while, but then move away when it becomes oddly too comfortable. “Come on,” you urge her, standing up and holding your hand out to her. She stares at it confused for a while.

“Where are you taking me, Carmilla Karnstein?” The way she says your name is surprisingly seductive. You raise your eyebrows, quite impressed.

“You’re drunk,” you explain. “I’m taking you to your room before you hurt yourself. Or others.” You smile slightly as she puffs out a breath in defiance, but takes your hand anyway. Her skin is unbelievably soft, and you feel electricity shoot up your arm. Suddenly you feel nervous.

You walk her to her room, leading her with your hand still intertwined with hers, and open the door for her. She stumbles in, lets go of your hand, and leans against the doorframe, gazing at you.

“What’s up, cutie?” you ask.

“Why are you being nice to me?” Her voice is still sad.

“I got you shitfaced drunk,” you remind her. “If you go get yourself killed out there, it would be inherently my fault. And that wouldn’t be a very great wedding present for Maman.”

“You do care about her,” she smiles goofily. “You do want her to be happy.” You roll your eyes, but struggle to hide a smile.

“Goodnight, Laura,” you nearly whisper it, realizing this is the first time you’ve actually said her name. She seems to notice this too because her eyes widen and she smirks.

“Goodnight, Carm.”

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

You moved into the new house a little over a week ago. It’s got two stories, three bedrooms (one on the first floor, which is your dad’s and Lilita’s, and two on the second floor which are for you and Carmilla), two full bathrooms (one downstairs and one that connects your room to Carmilla’s), one half bathroom, a large living room area, a dining room, a kitchen with an island in the middle, a TV room upstairs, a studio office downstairs, and a large grassy backyard. The neighborhood is nice and so are the neighbors. Two of them actually stopped by – LaFontaine and Perry – with a batch of cookies and an open invitation to a group hang out. They were also eighteen and students at Silas High School, which (much to Carmilla’s dismay) you and your new step-sister will be attending now.

              “Come on, sweetheart,” she groans outside your bedroom door. “We’re going to be late.” You stumble in your room, still not sure what to wear. You settle for a pair of skinny jeans and a dinosaur shirt. “Cute,” she mutters sarcastically when you open the door. She’s wearing a leather jacket, black jeans and combat boots. “Let’s go.” She walks off and you follow her out into the driveway, where her black 1969 Mustang convertible is parked. The roof is down so she hops over the door and into the driver’s seat, throwing her backpack behind her. She turns the key, which you notice has a bat wing for a keychain, as you open the door and step into the passenger seat.

              “Thanks again for giving me a ride,” you say, as she drives off a bit too recklessly for your liking.

              “Whatever,” she scoffs. “Maman’s making me.” She turns on the radio and tunes in to some classic rock station.

              “Are you nervous?” you ask her at a red light. “I’d be pretty nervous to go to a public school after being homeschooled all my life.” She doesn’t say anything – doesn’t even look at you. “I mean, I’m pretty nervous anyway.” You don’t know how to stop talking. You see her jaw clench in annoyance. “I’m sure you’ll fit in right away, though,” you lie. The light turns green and the tires screech, pushing you back onto your seat. You clutch to the door as Carmilla drives impatiently, speeding and dangerously maneuvering through traffic. “Can you slow down?” you yell over to her, but she doesn’t seem to hear you. The wind flows flawlessly through her dark brown hair. And though you can’t see her eyes because they’re under a pair of Ray Bans sunglasses, you can see her lips form a tiny smirk. _She’s enjoying this_ , you think to yourself, crossing your arms and groaning.

              “Out, cupcake,” she finally speaks to you as she parks the car in the student parking lot. You obey, mostly because you can’t wait to get away from her.

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

You lean against your car, a lit cigarette in your mouth, as a girl leans in towards you flirtatiously.

              “You’ve got a really nice car,” she says and you nod.

              “Wanna go for a ride?” you suggest and her eyes light up.

              “Aren’t you waiting for someone?” she asks and you remember Laura. You shrug.

              “Just a one quick car ride won’t hurt,” you smirk and the girl bursts in excitement, running over to the passenger side. She’s annoying, yes, but she’s hot, so you throw your cigarette on the ground, step on it, and then hop into the driver’s seat.  

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

              _That bitch_. You pace back and forth in the parking space where Carmilla’s car is supposed to be. _She left me_. You groan, digging into your pocket to grab your cellphone and call your dad, when suddenly you hear a familiar voice call out your name.

              “Laura!” You spin around and see LaFontaine, Perry, and girl you don’t know.

              “Oh, hey,” you smile at them as they approach.

              “How was your first day at Silas?” Perry asks.

              “Pretty good actually,” you reply, but your eyes are busying themselves with the new girl. She’s tall, redheaded, and gorgeous.

              “Oh, this is Danny,” Perry interrupts your thoughts, realizing where your gaze is. You blush.

              “Hey,” Danny greets you with a warm, friendly smile and you smile back.

              “Laura’s our new neighbor,” LaFontaine explains. “Where’s Carmilla?” they ask you and you roll your eyes, remembering your predicament.

              “Well, she’s supposed to be here to drive me back home, but …” You move your hands to show the empty parking spot.

              “Aw, man,” LaFontaine says. “Perry and I could give you a ride, but it would have to be in like an hour because we have Eco Club after school. Unless you wanna –”

              “I can take you,” Danny suddenly blurts out, and then blushes at how excited she seems. You try to hide a smile at this.

              “That would be really nice of you,” you reply.

Danny drives you in her red pickup truck, carefully, while making pleasant small talk. The two of you talk about Agent Carter and Doctor Who and laugh about nothing. Realizing how completely different from Carmilla she is, you smile to yourself.

“You have a pretty smile,” she says and you blush for probably the tenth time during the drive.

“Thanks,” you reply shyly. The truck stops.

“Is it here?” You nod.

“Thanks so much, Danny,” you say, giving her one last smile, as you step out of the truck. “You’re a real life saver.”

“Anytime, Laura,” she smiles back before driving away. You sigh, the butterflies in your stomach settling down, as you spin around and walk towards the front door. In the driveway you see Carmilla’s car and groan.

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

She’s okay. Her laugh is annoying, but she’s okay. You kiss her neck and slide your hands down to her bare breasts, holding your knee in between her legs and she moans. Her moans are annoying too. You groan and she thinks it’s because you’re into it so she pulls you closer, clawing at your back. She’s okay.

              Suddenly, though, your bedroom door swings open and there’s a tiny, infuriated Laura Hollis standing in the doorway.

              “What the fuck?” the girl underneath you yells, taking a blanket and covering herself up. Luckily, you’re still fully dressed, so you roll off the bed and walk over to a now very shocked (but still tiny) Laura Hollis.

              “Hey, cupcake,” you smirk. “Care to join?” She scoffs in disgust.

              “You left me at school,” she yelps. “For _this_?”

              “I have needs,” you shrug.

              “You know what else you have? _Responsibilities_ ,” she goes on and you sigh, leaning against the doorway. “Like driving me to _and from_ school like your mom told you to.” _God, she’s so adorable._ “Stop smiling!” You didn’t know you were.

              “Look, it won’t happen again, okay?” you assure her. “I just got a little… distracted today.” She rolls her eyes.

              “You’re disgusting.”

              “You love it,” you smirk, winking at her and you could swear she blushes.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

It’s been four months since school started and life is amazing. You’ve become great friends with LaF and Perry (who you’re pretty sure are dating, but have never really asked) and Danny (who you’re pretty sure is flirting with you, but you’ve also never asked). Your grades are great, the new season of Doctor Who just started, and your dad seems happier than ever. Your stepmom is surprisingly nice, considering her daughter is a real jerk. Well, she’s not terrible, really. She’s just… broody. She hasn’t left you stranded at school anymore, though, so that’s a plus – but she _has_ brought in several different “study buddies”. _Loud_ “study buddies” that make it difficult for you to _actually_ study.

              You walk into your (shared) bathroom one morning to find a naked stranger coming out of the shower.

              “Whoa!” you exclaim turning around to face the wall instead. “Who the hell are you?”

              “Oh, I’m Elsie,” the girl says, before adding, “It’s okay, I’ve got a towel on.” You turn back around hesitantly, finding a fairly pretty blonde girl, looking curiously at you. “Who are _you_?”

              “Uh, I’m Laura,” you spit out. “I _live_ here.”

              “Oh, well you’ve got quite a nice house here, Laura,” she says.

              “Uh, thanks?” You furrow your brow, confused. “Where’s Carmilla?” Suddenly a head pokes out of the shower.

              “In here, creampuff,” she smirks. Her hair looks black from the water that’s now dripping down to her bare shoulders. You shiver inexplicably.

              “Uh, can I speak with you?” you ask nervously. “ _Privately_?” You eye Elsie angrily as you say the last word and can hear Carmilla chuckle.

              “Wait for me in my room,” Carmilla orders the girl and she disappears. You nod, satisfied and turn to find a completely nude Carmilla stepping out of the shower. Your eyes widen, your chest tightens, and you forget how to breathe. You remain frozen there like an idiot, eyes glued to her body. _Wow, she’s fucking hot._

              “Ahem,” Carmilla smirks and your eyes meet hers. “Care to hand me a towel?”

              “Uh, y-yeah,” your words come out awkwardly and you’re pretty sure your face is entirely red. You grab a towel and hand it to Carmilla, keeping your gaze somewhere else. That somewhere else ends up being the mirror, which reflects Carmilla’s naked body. _Great._

              “What did you want to talk about?” she asks indifferently, crossing her arms as if you’re already wasting her time.

              “Oh, right.” You snap back to reality. “Can you chill it with these ‘study buddies’?” You make air quotes with your hands and Carmilla raises her eyebrows. “I get it. You have _needs._ But, can they please stop showing up naked in my bathroom? And I’m pretty sure some of them are stealing my clothes!” Carmilla chuckles. “Just, keep them under control?”

              “Sure,” she shrugs.

              “Good,” you say, proudly. It’s not easy to confront Carmilla about her bullshit, but you’ve gotten better at it. “I’m having a sleepover tonight with LaF, Perry, and Danny…”

              “Well, well…” She mocks. “Talk about one fucked up orgy.” You roll your eyes. “I’m kidding, cupcake. But why are you telling me this?”

              “I just thought, well, if you wanted to join us… it would… be okay.” Why does she make you so nervous sometimes?

              “No, thanks,” she scoffs and suddenly you feel really disappointed.

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

              “Come ooonnnn,” Elsie groans into your ear. “It sounds like they’re having fun.” Her comment is followed by a burst of laughter coming from the TV room. “See?”

              “Ugh,” you groan. “We can have our own fun in here.” You lean in to trace kisses down her neck.

              “Carmilla, _please_ ,” she urges, pulling at you. “I’m tired of us not doing anything other than just fucking.” _Oh, boy._

              “But just fucking is fun,” you smirk and she rolls away from you.

              “Whatever,” she groans. “I’m going.” She gets up and starts getting dressed. You lie in your bed for a moment, before standing up and getting dressed too. “Yay!” she says, kissing your cheek, but you know you didn’t do it for her.

              “Hey, losers,” you greet the group of people sitting on the floor of the TV room. You notice how all of them frown when they see you – well, except for Laura. She radiates with joy and you have to push down a smile.

              “You decided to join us,” she smiles and you sit down in between her and Danny. No because you’re jealous. No, you’re not jealous. You notice how Laura’s smile disappears when Elsie sits next to you.

              “What are you guys doing?” Elsie asks cheerfully.

              “We were actually just talking about what sleepover games we could play,” LaF says.

              “Well, spin the bottle, obviously,” you say with a smirk and Laura shoves you slightly.

              “You’re always so sexual, Carm,” she giggles and you frown.

              “Are you drunk, cupcake?” You lean in.

              “No!” she lies, giggling, and everyone around you laughs.

              “Breathe on me,” you command and it makes her eyes widen. She leans in, mere inches from your noses touching, blowing softly in your direction. It’s warm and inviting and suddenly your head begins to spin and you don’t know why. You look up at her eyes, which are gazing down at you as if mesmerized by you. Your eyes then make their way down to her lips. You lick yours out of instinct and she does too.

              “What’s the verdict?” Elsie asks and you jump backwards.

              “Uh, guilty,” you laugh. Laura scrunches her nose at you and _wow, she looks adorable._

              “We may or may not have stolen a bottle of vodka from the kitchen,” she laughs and you laugh with her.

              “Perfect,” Elsie says and _god, can she just go away?_ “Now we can play spin the bottle!”

              You sit in a circle, placing the empty bottle in the middle. Elsie is the first to spin it and it lands on Danny. Then Danny spins it, and it lands on Perry. Perry spins it, in lands on LaF. LaF spins it, it lands on Perry again. Perry spins it, it lands on Danny again. The entire time, though, you don’t pay attention to the kisses or the laughter or the overall childishness of the game. Your stare is focused, hungry and dark on Laura Hollis. Adorable, drunk, sexy Laura Hollis. You don’t know what it is about her, but you feel drawn to her. Your eyes can’t stay still if they aren’t glued to her. Danny spins it, and it lands on Laura. Everyone “oooh”’s and you tighten your jaw, eyeing them dangerously as they lean in for a peck.

              “My turn,” Laura says, spinning the bottle. It lands on you and your heart stops.

              “Well look at that, cutie,” you smirk. “Looks like your dream has come true.” Laura rolls her eyes at you, but leans in anyway.

              “Shut up and kiss me,” she spits and you laugh.

              “So demanding.” You lean in and your lips meet. It’s soft and warm, but too devastatingly short. Before a full two seconds have passed, Laura is already pulling away. You sit back, and spin the bottle. It lands on Laura and you raise your eyebrows. “It’s your lucky day, Hollis.” You lean into each other again, pressing gently into each other, but now it’s you who pulls way first, afraid you won’t be able to stop if the kiss goes on for any longer. It’s still a nice kiss though – sweet and simple.

              She stares at you, eyebrows furrowed, confused, as if she’s just realized something and can’t believe it.  You run a tongue over your bottom lip and then dig your teeth into it. Laura’s eyes grow dark and you can’t help but smirk.

              “It’s your turn, Laura,” Danny says, snapping the girl back awake.

              “Uh, right,” she chuckles nervously, taking the bottle and spinning it. It lands on you and you laugh.

              “You know what three in a row means,” Elsie says and for the first time tonight you’re not annoyed at her voice. “Seven minutes in heaven.” Danny’s eyes widen.

              “What?” the giant nearly yells, but everyone seems to ignore her.

              “Those _are_ the rules,” LaF comments hesitantly.

              “Come on, then, creampuff,” you say, standing up and helping Laura up to her feet. “Let’s get this over with.”

              You and Laura walk to your room and you sit on your bed, patting the space next to you as an invitation. She sits down, nervously, and you move a strand of her hair behind her ear.

              “It’s okay, cutie,” you whisper, holding her face in your hand and rubbing your thumb over her cheekbone. Her skin is so soft and, up close, she seems so fragile, so innocent, so beautiful. You could eat her alive.

              “We don’t have to do this, Carm,” she whispers and you frown.

              “No, we don’t,” you whisper back, leaning in, pressing your forehead to hers. Your head spins as you feel her heavy breath on you. _God, she’s so nervous_. “Not if you don’t want to,” you reassure her. Her eyes widen at your words.

              “Do _you_?” she questions and now it’s you who’s nervous.

              “I…” You bite your bottom lip, trying to come up with something to say.

              “Don’t do that,” she says, before you can say anything else. You frown.

              “Don’t do what?”

              “Bite your lip,” she says, her fingers tracing your lips and so you stop biting. You fight the urge not to slip your tongue out to taste her. “It makes you look even hotter.” You raise your eyebrows and smile.

              “You think I’m hot, creampuff?” You ask flirtatiously. Laura laughs, takes her hand away, and shakes her head, turning away from you.

              “Shut up,” she says shyly, her eyes on the floor, avoiding your gaze. You smile. You very much enjoy drunk Laura. “You _know_ you’re hot.” You laugh and shake your head, while your hand gently turns Laura’s face back to meet you. She looks into your eyes and you feel yourself sink into hers.

              “God, what am I doing?” you whisper, biting your lip again and you see her stiffen. “Naïve, provincial girl.” Your eyes study her, tracing her body seductively as your voice grows huskier. “Entirely too tightly wound. Such a cliché. I oughta know better.”

              “Gee, thanks,” she mutters nervously.

              “And yet…” you go on, softly playing with her hair. “There’s something about you.”

              “Maybe it’s my keen fashion sense?” she jokes, attempting to lighten the mood. But it’s too late – the sexual tension between the two of you is too thick, too dense to deny. There’s no use fighting it. And so, there’s nothing left to do, but give in to it.

              “No, it’s definitely not that,” you whisper, leaning in, your lips tingling in anticipation for Laura’s. You don’t kiss her yet, though. You tell yourself it has to be her decision. It’s entirely her move. And she knows this too because she stares down at your lips, licking hers, and taking a deep breath as if to find he strength she needs to let go.

Suddenly there’s a very loud knock on your door and you both look up.

              “Time’s up!” Danny yells before swinging the door open.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

You wake up with the worst hangover in the world. Groaning, you roll over in your bed. _Ugh. What even happened last night?_ You remember drinking. And laughing. And Danny. And Elsie. And Carmilla. _Oh, god._ You groan. You kissed Carmilla. Carmilla and… Danny? Your brain is foggy, but the only clear thing seems to be Carmilla’s lip and her taste and the feeling of her hand on your face. _Laura, you cannot have a crush on Carmilla Karnstein. Nooooooo._

“Hey, cupcake,” her voice fills your room and you feel butterflies in your stomach. Or is it nausea? “All your friends left about an hour ago. They didn’t want to wake you, but they told me to tell you something about… something.”

              “Carm,” you groan, rolling on your back. Everything hurts.

              “What? I’m not great at delivering messages,” she smiles and walks up to you, sitting on your bed. “Here.” You look up and see she’s holding out your TARDIS mug.

              “Is it poisoned?” you groan, but take it anyway because you can’t feel any worse than you already do.

              “It’s coffee. Black,” she says simply. “It’ll help. As will a very greasy breakfast, so when you’re done groaning, come downstairs.”

              “Ugh, don’t even talk to me about food right now,” you groan and she laughs. You take a sip and it burns your tongue. She stands up and begins to walk out, but you find yourself calling out to her, “Hey, Carm?” She turns around, leaning her back on door frame. “Why are you being nice to me?” She shrugs.

              “I can’t really bully you, if you’re already feeling bad,” she jokes. “Or maybe I _am_ poisoning you,” she adds with a wink, then disappears from your room. You sigh, resting your head on your favorite yellow pillow. _Oh yeah, I’m definitely being poisoned._

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

**Girl with blonde hair [2:45 pm]:  
** hey carmilla

 **Girl with blonde hair [2:53 pm]:  
** last night was fun

 **Girl with blonde hair [3:13 pm]:  
** wanna hang out tonight?

 **Girl with blonde hair [3:15 pm]:  
** my parents are gonna be out for the weekend

“You sure are popular,” Laura comments when your phone dings again at having received yet another new message for Elsie.

              “What can I say?” You shrug. “I’m irresistible.” Laura chuckles nervously, blushing slightly and looking down at her breakfast. “You know, you don’t really have to eat that.”

              “Oh, thank god,” she exclaims, and then looks at you with wide, terrified eyes, “I mean.., uh, it’s not bad, it’s just that… I don’t feel well, so, uh.”

              “Relax, creampuff,” you laugh. “I know it’s terrible. I’ve never been a good cook. Mostly because, with my dad, we always had servants and professional chefs to take care of that for us.” You sigh, thinking back on the lifestyle that’s now long gone.

              “It must be hard to go from all of that to… well, this,” Laura says, motioning to the house that surrounds you. You shrug again.

              “It’s not too terrible, Hollis,” you wink. “Although I _am_ stuck with you.” You smirk and she laughs and you’re glad she knows it was a joke.

              “Thank you for breakfast, Carm,” she smiles.

              “Shut up,” you laugh. “Come on, let’s go get you some real food.”

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

You never meant to actually like Carmilla after you two first met and she had been a complete and total asshole, but there was something about her now that was different. She was still an asshole, but she was also kind of sweet sometimes. And funny. And ridiculously gorgeous.

              You sit in the passenger seat, glancing over at Carmilla occasionally as she drives to the nearest Jack in the Box. She’s biting her lip in concentration and the sight of it floods you with warmth.

              “You’re staring, Hollis,” she says and your eyes dart away.

              “I’m just… surprised,” you breathe out.

              “How so?” _God, her voice is delicious._

              “You’re actually driving like a person today,” you point out and she laughs. _She has such a beautiful laugh. Has she always had such a beautiful laugh?_

“I wouldn’t want you getting sick in my car, sweetheart,” she smirks.

\---

**Carmilla Karnsein POV**

You’ve never been inside a fast food place before in your life and you regret it immediately. The floor is sticky, the people are disgusting, and the entire place smells like sewage. You wrinkle your nose.

              “Laura, this place is fucking gross,” you whisper to her and she laughs.

              “You’re such a rich kid, Carm,” she rolls her eyes and grabs your hand, leading you towards the counter.

              “Welcome to Jack in the Box, what can I get for you?” the underpaid employee asks. You let Laura order, partly because you have no idea what’s going on and partly because Laura’s hand is still in yours and you can’t quite focus on anything else.

              You go sit down at a very hard booth, and watch as Laura eats something that looks nothing like a hamburger. You stare at her, both in disgust and awe until she finishes. She talks about things – like she always does – and you listen, without interrupting. You try to focus on her because she’s the only decent thing in this place, but you feel like you’re suffocating. You’re suffocating in the mess of low-class society and you’re suffocating in Laura.

              “I’m gonna make you watch Doctor Who,” she smiles and you scoff. “Seriously! We’re gonna have a whole marathon.”

              “Listen, cutie,” you groan, fed up with the loud family next to you and the smells of this place and the growing affection in your chest that you just want to put out. “I thought we had a fairly good understanding of where we stand.”

              “What?” Laura tilts her head like a confused puppy and you want to kiss her again. _Fuck, why do you want to kiss her?_

              “We’re not friends, Laura,” you say and suddenly her eyes glisten with sadness. _Way to go, you idiot. Now you’re gonna make her cry._

              “Right,” she says through gritted teeth.

              “Laura,” you say softly reaching out to touch her hand and she lets you. You don’t know what you’re doing. Not really. Just pushing and pulling because you don’t know what you want.

              “Yeah?” You stare into her and lean in closer, she follows you with her eyes and you wonder if you could get away with kissing her right then and there. Just one kiss. It wouldn’t mean a thing. Except it would, wouldn’t it? It would change everything. To kiss, sober and without the obligation brought upon by a silly game. To kiss, not because you have to. To kiss, just because you want to. Just because you want _her_. All of her. It would definitely mean something. It would mean too much.

              “Let’s go home,” you find yourself saying and she lets out a breath, frowning.

              “Yeah,” she says and stands up to leave.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

              You’re fucking confused. One minute Carmilla’s flirting with you, bringing you coffee in bed, making you breakfast (albeit inedible) and being and overall nice person – and the next she’s back to being the asshole you first met at that family dinner. It’s fucking driving you _insane._

“Hey, short stack,” she smirks at you one morning as you get into her car.

              “You know you’re just like an inch taller, right?” you snap back.

              “Ooh, someone’s feisty today,” she mocks, turning the key and backing out of the driveway.

              “Sorry. I had to stay up all night studying for a math test,” you huff. “I get grumpy when I don’t get enough sleep.”

              “You know it’s funny,” she begins, “I don’t remember asking you.” You groan. You do not have time for this, so you just look out at the road and try to make your thoughts go back to being all about Danny. It doesn’t quite work. Still, you both remain silent for the entire car ride to school.

              “Hey, Laura?” Carmilla calls out softly as you get out of her car, once she’s parked. You turn to look at her, surprised by the change of tone in her voice. “Good luck on your math test.” _Why does she keep doing this????_ You heart swells a bit.

              “Thanks.”

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

You’re sitting in English Lit doodling in your notebook while the teacher rambles on about a book you read in sixth grade. Your notebook is full of sketches – bats, skeletons, mythical creatures, and (more recently) Laura. You sigh. You’ve got it so bad for her and you know it, but you’re positive she’s still head over heels in love with that redheaded skyscraper. You understand, though. You’re a jerk – you’ve made yourself the biggest dick in the world to her. That was your doing and it’s too late to just take it all back now. Plus, who are you compared to Danny Lawrence? What can you offer Laura but broodiness and apathy?

              “Ms. Karnstein?” the teacher calls on you.

              “What?”

              “I asked: what do you think the romantic relationship between Heathcliff and Catherine?” You groan.

              “Heathcliff’s a whiny bitch and Catherine’s an idiotic whore, so I don’t know,” you shrug. “I guess they’re a good match.”

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

You’re in the middle of your math test when your phone vibrates in your pocket. You turn around and see that the teacher is busy on their computer. Carefully, you slip your phone out slightly, just to see what it is.

**New text message from: Carmilla**

Your heart jumps in your chest and a smile forms on your lips. You take it out completely, hiding it under your desk and unlock it.

 **Carmilla [2:32 PM]:  
** Bad news, creampuff.

 **Laura [2:34 PM]:  
** What happened?

 **Carmilla [2:36 PM]:  
** I may or may not have gotten myself detention after school.

 **Laura [2:37 PM]:  
** Oh, Carm…

 **Carmilla [2:40 PM]:  
** Yeah. So I won’t be able to drive you home. Sorry.

You frown.

 **Laura [2:42]:  
** Don’t worry about it. I can ask Danny to take me.

 **Carmilla [2:43 PM]:  
** You love birds have fun.

Your chest tightens and you’re about to type out a reply, denying the romantic nature of your relationship with Danny, when suddenly your phone is ripped from your hands. You look up, confused and dumbfounded, and see your math teacher staring down at you, shaking their head in disappointment.

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

              Laura doesn’t text you back and you pretend not to care about it. It’s after school now, so you find yourself inside a small auditorium with a dozen kids too stupid to know the difference between their asses and their faces. You groan, exasperated and bored. The only person watching over you is a professor so old that he might actually die in his seat before he dismisses you. You take your phone out and re-read the messages you got from Laura. You don’t know why you do this.

              “Hey,” a familiar voice says and you look up to find Laura walking up to you. You give her a quizzical look as she sits down next to you. “This seat taken?”

              “All yours, cutie,” you smile. “What are you in for?”

              “Texting during my math test,” she frowns and you suddenly feel weighted down by guilt.

              “Fuck,” you whisper to her and she nods.

              “Yep,” she whispers back, slumping in her seat. “Totally got a zero on that.”

              “I’m sorry,” you say and she turns to you with the sweetest eyes you’ve ever seen. “I guess I shouldn’t have texted you.” She shakes her head.

              “You didn’t really do anything wrong,” she assures you. “You were just letting me know, so I could find a way to get home ahead of time. It was my fault for not waiting until after class to read your text.”

              “I’m sure Groot was quite disappointed,” you smirk.

              “Danny?” You nod and she shakes her head. “Danny and I are just friends.”

              “Oh, come on, creampuff,” you tease. “You can feel the sexual tension between you two from a mile away.” She frowns. “I bet you had the time of your life at that sleepover, though.”

              “Wh-what?” she stutters and you fight down a smile. _She’s so adorable._ “What do you mean?”

              “You got to kiss your favorite redhead,” you remind her.

              “Oh,” she says with a hint of relief in her voice. “Right. Well, strictly…uh, platonic.” _Why is her awkwardness so endearing?_ You lean in closer, reaching out and twirling a wild strand of Laura’s hair with your finger. You can see her stiffen and you smirk.

              “But lucky me,” you speak huskily. “I got you for seven whole minutes – and now, looks like we’re trapped together again.”

              “How’s that lucky for you?” she asks. “I thought you hated me.”

              “I do hate a lot of things,” you say. “But you’re definitely not on that list.” She turns her face away. “That TARDIS hat you wore yesterday on the other hand…” She laughs and hits you playfully. “I like it when you laugh,” you find yourself saying and her face grows pink. “It suits you quite well.”

“Thanks,” she smiles, before nervously adding, “Oh, I was going to mention something to you.”

              “What is it, cupcake?” you ask, looking at her almost lovingly, enjoying the way her hair cascades down to her shoulders, and the way she can’t seem to keep her eyes locked to yours, and the way…, and the way…, and the way...

              “You know LaF?” she begins and you nod absentmindedly.

              “What about them?” you ask, a bit annoyed – you don’t particularly want to talk about LaF. Laura stares at you, surprised, so you add, “What?”

              “How’d you know?” she asks and you furrow your brow.

              “Know what?”

              “That they prefer the pronoun ‘they’…” she explains.

              “I’m not deaf, sweetheart,” you roll your eyes. “I’ve heard you talking about them, so I just figured from there.” Suddenly, Laura is beaming and she looks adorable, but it makes you a bit uncomfortable. You lean back and watch her stare at you in some sort of amazement, until she finally speaks again.

              “You’re incredible, Carmilla,” she says in a hushed whisper and you stare at her in even more confusion.

              “I didn’t do anything,” you argue. _Why are you getting so defensive about this?_

“We were all a bit worried you’d get the pronoun wrong or that you’d tease them about it or something, but –” Laura begins.

              “Whoa,” you interrupt. “Why would you think that?” Your chest grows tighter and you start to burn inside. _Is this how she sees you?_

              “Well, uh... It’s just… like, the way you are, you know?” Laura attempts to fix it, but only makes it worse. You feel yourself internally combust in anger.

              “Oh, fuck off, Laura,” you scoff. “I didn’t know you saw me like such an asshole.” Laura’s eyes go from startled to hurt to angry in mere seconds.

              “Maybe you should stop constantly acting like one, then,” she huffs and it’s fucking adorable, but you’re too pissed off to appreciate it. You sit in silence for the rest of the hour, until you’re dismissed. Then, you walk out, leaving Laura behind, struggling to catch up to you.

              Once in the parking lot, you hop into your car and start it, already going in reverse before Laura can get to you. _Of course she thinks you’re a fucking asshole._ You can see her running towards in the distance and you groan. _You are an asshole. You’ve always been an asshole. You always will be._

              “Don’t you fucking leave me,” you hear her shout, so you click on the radio and blast the music so loud so can’t hear her anymore. _No one will ever love you_ ¸ you think to yourself _._ You drive off, leaving a stranded Laura in an empty parking lot.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV:**

              You take out your phone and call her, but she doesn’t reply. _Fucking Carmilla._ Just when you were beginning to like her, just when the possibility of something more seemed reachable to you – she goes and pulls this bullshit again. You keep calling her, and it isn’t until the fourth time that she actually picks up.

              “What?” she spits through the phone.

              “Come back!” you shout.

              “Turn around,” she says before hanging up. You turn around and see her car approaching. You sigh in relief. “Get in, before I change my mind,” she says coldly, so you hop in quickly.

              “Thanks for coming back,” you say once she starts driving again. She doesn’t reply. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

              “It doesn’t matter,” she shrugs, but you can sense the hurt in her voice. It hurts you too.

              “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you begin. For some reason, you being the cause for Carmilla’s pain feels like you just kicked a puppy – or a kitten.

              “I’m not hurt,” she scoffs. “And I said it doesn’t matter.”

              “It does though, Carm,” you go on, “because you’re clearly upset.”

              “Of course I’m fucking upset, Laura,” she groans and the car stops at a red light. “You think I’m a fucking asshole who would purposely misgender someone and bully them about something they’re particularly insecure about. I know I’m not a nice person. I know that, okay?” You nod, staring at her, taking in all the emotion she’s throwing your way, wondering what it is you’re supposed to do. You hate seeing her so distressed, especially if it’s your doing, but you just really have no idea what to do to fix it. “But I just thought that of all people, _you_ would know me just a tiny bit better.”

              “Me?” you hear yourself saying.

              “Yeah,” she scoffs. “Or… maybe I was just _hoping_ it would be you.”

              “What are you saying?” you urge, trying to understand.

              “Forget it, Hollis,” she sighs. “Let’s just go home and forget the whole thing.”

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

              You drive recklessly, furiously, dangerously as if you’re trying to make everything inside you slide off with the harsh wind. You feel so heavy, so dark inside. _Fuck Laura Hollis._ You make a sudden turn and your wheels screech. _Fuck her for thinking you have no human decency._ You run a red light. _And fuck you for caring. Why do you even give a fuck about what she thinks of you?_ You brake suddenly and the people behind you honk as they drive around you. _Fuck you for letting her have this much control over you._ You lie your head back and groan, feeling your phone vibrate in your pocket. You take it out and see:

**3 Missed calls from: Laura**

              “Fuck,” you groan, the feeling of guilt rushing over you, and the realization that even if Laura hurts you, you can’t quite bring yourself to purposely hurt her. You don’t know why that is, but you decide not to question it. You take an illegal U-turn and head back to the school. Just as you’re arriving, your phone vibrates for a fourth time, so you turn off the radio, and pick up. “What?”

              “Come back!” Laura shouts at the other end and you roll your eyes.

              “Turn around,” you say simply, before hanging up and driving up next to her. “Get in before I change my mind.”

“Thanks for coming back,” she says, once she’s sitting next to you. “I’m sorry for what I said.” _Yeah, right._

              “It doesn’t matter,” you lie.

              “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she continues, but you just need her to stop talking. Stop talking and stop apologizing and stop trying to be nice and stop making you feel all these things you’ve never quite felt for anyone else before.

              “I’m not hurt,” you lie again. “And I said it doesn’t matter.”

              “It does though, Carm, because you’re clearly upset.” _Why can’t she just shut up?_

“Of course I’m fucking upset, Laura,” you snap at her. “You think I’m a fucking asshole who would purposely misgender someone and bully them about something they’re particularly insecure about. I know I’m not a nice person. I know that, okay? But I just thought that of all people, _you_ would know me just a tiny bit better.” _Of all people, you would be the one who would see that there’s more to me than what I put out there. That maybe you would be that one person who could eventually learn to love me. That at least you could be my friend._

“Me?” she asks and you scoff. _She doesn’t fucking get it._  

              “Yeah, or… maybe I was just _hoping_ it would be you.”

              “What are you saying?” she asks, but you feel so fucking done by now.

              “Forget it, Hollis,” you sigh. “Let’s just go home and forget the whole thing.”

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

              Nothing is quite the same after that day. Carmilla doesn’t fight with you, but then again, now she barely even talks to you – so you’re not sure if it’s actually any better. You drive in silence to and from school, and then, once you get home, she disappears into her room and doesn’t come out until the next morning. She’s also been missing a lot of dinners – always coming up with shady excuses (like having homework for a class you’re pretty sure she’s not even taking). You start to get worried – _Why do you worry? You shouldn’t even care_ – because these are all clear signs of depression, according to WebMD.

              “So,” you say one morning, filling the silence in the car. She doesn’t seem to hear you, but you keep talking anyway. “How’ve you been lately?” You cringe. _What are you even doing?_ She turns to you with a raised eyebrow – _and wow, she has a really sexy stare._ She shrugs and turns back at the road. “I haven’t seen you around much.”

              “Been busy.” She shrugs again and you pout. This is clearly getting nowhere.

              “Doing what?” you urge.

              “Stuff.” You frown.

              “Sounds… fun?” _What are you doing?_

“Is there something you want, cupcake?” she groans, turning to you again with an irritated look.

              “No, uh… I just…” You get nervous. _Why does she always make you feel so nervous?_

“Spit it out, Hollis.” Her voice grows even more annoyed.

              “Nothing,” you sigh, defeated and see her roll her eyes.

              “Fine.”

\---

**Carmilla’s Karnstein POV**

You’ve been avoiding Laura – not because you’re angry or still hurt about the other day. In all honesty, you feel completely over it. You gave Laura every reason to think you’re literally some evil step-sister, so it’s not her fault for assuming the worst in you. So no, you’re not avoiding her because of what happened the other day. You’re avoiding her because you want her. She ignites something deep inside of you that illuminates the darkness you’ve been carrying around for so long. Her eyes, her smile, her laugh, her dorkiness – it consumes you, melts you. And you absolutely hate it.

              You’re in the TV room today because Laura went over to LaF’s house to work on a project with Perry, so you’re free to roam around without fear of running into her. You flip through channels mindlessly, lying on the couch, with your feet up on the arm rest.

              “It’s nice to see you out of your cave,” Laura says, smiling and walking up to the couch. “Care if I join?”

              “Aren’t you supposed to be with the ginger twins?” you scowl, but curl up so that you leave room for Laura to sit next to you.

              “Turns out LaF got a little too excited about the bio project, so they actually started it without us and by the time we got there they had already done like 90 percent of it.” She’s cheery today, which isn’t really all that odd, but you wonder if she ever gets tired of it. You hum as a response and then let silence envelop the two of you as you always do, when you find yourself stuck alone with her. It’s just easier if you pretend she’s not there. “What are you watching?” Of course, it’s becoming nearly impossible to do so, when she just keeps talking. You shrug.

              “Nothing,” you reply, surfing through the channels.

              “Oh, wait!” she suddenly says and you stop on some health channel. “This show’s pretty good.”

              “What is it?” you ask, furrowing your brow at the image of something being cut open.

              “A show about miraculous recoveries,” she explains and you turn to look at her as she leans forward, completely engulfed by what’s going on. You decide to leave the channel.

              The show turns out to be quite interesting. The episode is about a nine year old kid who had been kidnapped and only fed cat food for two years or something like that. You don’t pay all that much attention because you stretch your legs and Laura lets you place them on her lap. She places her hands on top of them and fiddles with the laces of your converse. The kid was eventually dropped off at a random park by his kidnapper, which is where he was found close to death and rushed to the hospital. They show a clip at the end as part of a “where are they now?” kind of thing. It’s sixth months later and the kid seems to be adapting well to being back at home (or at least that’s what the narrator says). The kid is running around the house, being an annoying little fuck, though. You scoff.

              “What?” Laura asks and you notice she’s teary-eyed. You roll your eyes.

              “You can see why the kidnapper took him back.” Laura’s eyes grow wide in disbelief. “I bet his mom goes around leaving him in random parks to see if anyone else will take him off her hands,” you laugh dryly and she pushes your feet off of her lap.

              “What the hell, Carmilla?” Wow, she really sounds hurt.

              “It’s a joke,” you defend yourself. “Lighten the fuck up, cupcake. Who gives a shit?” You’re annoyed now. _Why must she always take things so personally?_

              “That was a real, actual person who had something terrifying happen to them,” she argues and scrunches up her face in that incredibly adorable way she does. You roll your eyes again and sigh. _Why are you so into this loser?_ “And all you can do is make crappy jokes.”

              “I think I’m quite hilarious,” you smirk, enjoying how riled up she’s getting.

              “Are you really so damaged that you’re incapable of caring about anything?” _Ouch._

“What does it fucking matter what I think or say about some random stranger?” you scoff, sitting up. “It doesn’t affect them – but oh, I’m sure if you stay pure of heart and really believe that, that’ll make a difference,” you add sarcastically. _Why does she always make herself seem better than you? Just because she’s ‘nicer’? Just because she tears up at other people’s bullshit? What a naïve, childish, little –_

“Well, it’s better than lounging around all day and pretending to be all cool and disaffected, when really you’re just miserable and alone.” _OUCH._

              “You don’t know anything about me,” you spit through gritted teeth, staring her down. She looks so much like a sacred puppy, wide-eyed and terrified. “You are a _child._ And you understand _nothing_.” She falls silent, so you stand up and storm out of the TV room, slamming your bedroom door behind you.

\---

 **Laura Hollis POV**  

              You pace back and forth in your room – you are _so_ angry. She’s so rude and self-centered and makes the worst, most inappropriate comments. Not to mention, she called you a child – well, to be fair, you also called her damaged and miserable – but _still_. _Why does compassion have to equal naivety? So you care about the world – what’s so wrong in that?_

“Uggghhh,” you groan as you let yourself fall back onto your bed.

              That night you barely sleep, rolling around restlessly and jumping awake dripping wet in sweat. You groan, and stumble out of bed. It’s four in the morning; only two hours until your alarm is supposed to wake you up. You take a quick, cold shower and start to get ready for school, trying not to think about the awkward car ride that awaits you.

\---

**Carmilla Karnsein POV**

You wait in the car for her, sunglasses on and eyes shut, leaning back in your seat for a quick nap. Laura always takes forever to finish breakfast, but today she comes out the door nearly ten minutes earlier than usual. You frown, realizing your nap has been cut short.

              The door opens and she gets in, a tired look on her face. You ignore it and drive off. The car ride is quiet as expected, so you turn on the radio and tap your fingers against the wheel to the music. Laura slumps in her seat and rests her head on the side of the door. _Is she sad?_ You try not to care. You fail.

              You park the car and shut it off, waiting for Laura the hurry away from you like she does every morning, but this time she doesn’t. She groans as if in pain – her movements slow and dragged.

              “Are you okay there, Hollis?” you find yourself asking.

              “I’m fine,” she grunts annoyingly.

              “Are you sure?”

              “Don’t act like you care about me, Carmilla,” she snaps at you as she finally gets out of the car. _Of course I care about you._ You sigh.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

Something is off. You wake up nearly every night around the same night, soaked in sweat and running a high fever. You spend the day restless and fatigued with an aching back and a throbbing head. And on top of that you’ve lost your appetite (and a few pounds with it). This all started the night you argued with Carmilla, so of course you’re quick to blame her for it. _It’s all this stress she’s causing me._ You groan, a massive headache keeping you confined to your bed.

              Your dad comes by and knocks on your open door. You reply with a groan.

              “Hey, kiddo,” he smiles. “We missed you at breakfast. Even Carmilla asked about you.” You roll your eyes – _Yeah, right._ “Everything okay?”

              “Yeah, I’m just tired,” you say. “And I’ve got a really bad headache.”

              “Have you taken anything for it?” You shake your head. “I’ll go get you some aspirin.”

              “Thanks.”

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

Something is wrong with Laura. You can sense it and it worries you. And you hate that it worries you. You hate that you care. You hate that you’ve found yourself googling symptoms and setting an alarm at four in the morning to see if she’s woken up (she usually does). You hate that there’s this enormous ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach that you can’t quite make go away.

              “She says she’s just got a headache.” Mr. Hollis walks into the kitchen.

              “I can get her aspirin,” you offer and he gives you sweet smile. He’s a nice guy, truthfully, and you like him because he genuinely loves Laura. And Laura deserves to be loved.

              “Thanks,” he says as he hands you a bottle of aspirin that he takes out of a drawer. You fill a glass with water and make yourself upstairs.

              You walk in – the door had been left open – and see a ball of blankets in the middle of Laura’s bed. You set the glass of water on the night stand.

              “Laura,” you whisper and suddenly the lump on the bed moves, as if startled, and out comes Laura, looking exceptionally beautiful but also exceptionally exhausted.

              “What are you doing here?” she asks defensively and you regret having been so mean to her lately.

              “I brought you some aspirin,” you say and she eyes you suspiciously. “I heard you were feeling a bit under the weather.” You sit down on her bed and she sits up – still with a look of distrust in her eyes. You roll yours. “I’m not going to poison you, Laura. We’ve gone over this.” You smile to try to lighten the mood.

“Thanks,” she says weakly, taking the aspirins you give her and drinking water. You raise your hand up to her forehead and she stiffens at your touch.

              “You’re burning up, cupcake.” You frown.

              “The aspirin will help,” she says and you nod, humming in response, eyeing her carefully. _She’s so delicate, so fragile – all you want to do is protect her. Hold her, kiss her, keep her warm and safe and lov–_ “What are you looking at?” Her voice is weak and there’s no bite to her words – she’s genuinely curious about why you’re staring at her. _Oh, if I could only tell you, Laura._

              “Nothing,” you sigh, turning away. “I’ll leave you to get some rest.” You stand up. “Feel better, Laura.”        

              “Thanks.”

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

“Carm?” you groan, leaning against her doorframe. She’s lying in bed, her nose deep in a book heavier than your foot. She puts it down on her chest and glances over at you.

              “What’s up, cutie?” she smirks at you. _God, you have such a love-hate relationship with her smirks – it’s driving you crazy._

“My dad’s still at the office and your mom’s not home yet, so I was wondering if you could maybe give me a ride,” you ask and she cocks her head, curious. “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it was important.” She pushes the book to the side and sits up.

              “Where do you want me to take you?” There’s a hint of seduction in her question and it makes you shiver.

              “I feel sick,” you say.

              “Still?” She furrows her brow.

              “Yeah, it’s probably just a cold or something, but none of the over-the-counter stuff has been working, so…” She nods, reaching for her combat boots and putting them on. It’s weird for her to be this nice, suddenly, but you don’t question it.

              “Let’s go then, buttercup.”

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

You’re sitting in the waiting room with last month’s issue of Vogue on your lap, tapping your feet anxiously and waiting for Laura to come back out. Someone next to you coughs up blood into a tissue and you cringe. _Ugh, gross._

              “Ready to go?” Laura asks, standing over you. You look up and meet her beautiful, (worried?), brown eyes. You set the magazine to the side and stand up.

              “How’d it go?” You follow her out of the clinic.

              “Uh, yeah, fine,” she mumbles, walking through the half-empty parking lot. It’s dark now and the sky is splattered with a million stars. You look up at them as you walk.

              “You don’t sound so fine, creampuff,” you say, but your eyes don’t meet hers until you notice the long silence. You turn your gaze back down to her and see that her eyes are watering. “Hey, hey…” You step up close to her. “What’s wrong, Laura?” She gives you a sad smile – probably because you actually used her name this time.

              “Nothing,” she shakes her head. “It’s probably just a cold.”

              “ _Probably?_ Well, what did the doctor say?” you ask, leaning in, confused.

              “He said that it looks like it’s just a cold.” _Why does she seem so small?_  You walk even closer and she leans in. You study her quietly, waiting for her to continue. “But, because of my family history…” _Family history?_ “I’m gonna have to have some tests done.” You have no idea what she’s saying, but you know that her voice shakes and breaks in the process and now she’s crying. She’s crying and leaning into you, pressing her head on your shoulder. You wrap your arms around her and pull her in for a proper embrace. _She smells so nice._

“It’s okay,” you say, but you don’t really know if it is. You don’t know what to do. “It might just be a cold. The tests can still come out okay, you know?” You lean back and pull her face up to meet your gaze. She looks at you, tears streaming down her face and a red nose. You give her a small, kind smile. “You have nothing to worry about right now,” you whisper and she nods. “Worry when you have something to worry about, yeah?” She nods again. “Right now, in this exact moment, you’re okay,” you sigh and she gives you a soft smile.

              “Thank you,” she whispers to you, calmer now. She looks down and chuckles sadly, stepping away from you. “Sorry.” She’s embarrassed.

              “It’s okay,” you say and this time you mean it. “Come here.” You reach out for her hand and, though she hesitates at first, she takes it. You lead her into your car. She sits in the passenger seat and you lower both of your seats as low as they go.

              “What are you doing?” she asks and her voice is back to normal, so the tightening in your chest that you hadn’t noticed was even there loosens up.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

“Just trust me,” she smirks at you, lying down in the car next to you. “The sky is beautiful tonight.” She’s looking up now, so you do too. “Whenever I feel stressed or upset about something, I like looking at the stars. It’s comforting to think how small we are in comparison.” There’s something in her voice that you find extremely calming.

              “You’re gonna make a great philosophy major,” you joke and she smiles, though she doesn’t turn to look at you.  

              “It’s going to be okay, Laura.” And there she goes, saying your name again in that voice that makes you feel like you’re turning into a puddle. You lean in, resting your head on her shoulder. You feel her tense underneath you, so you pull away. It hurts a bit to be rejected by her, but then again you shouldn’t really expect much from her. You turn your gaze up to the sky and for a while, you really do understand what Carmilla means.

              She reaches out her hand and touches yours, hesitantly, as if afraid you’ll burn her. But it’s you who feels yourself ignite. You let her intertwine her fingers in yours, both still in silence and still looking up at the stars. You smile and you have a feeling she might be smiling too.

\---

**Carmilla Karnstein POV**

              You drive Laura to the hospital because she didn’t want to worry her dad about hypotheticals. Must be nice for him. You, on the other hand, are worried sick. You pace back and forth through the hospital hallways, ignoring the hot nurse who had flirted with you.

              The doctor comes out of Laura’s room and you nearly jump at him.

              “So what is it?” you ask almost violently and he frowns at you.

              “I am not allowed to discuss it,” he says. “But you may go in and speak with Ms. Hollis if you’d like.” You walk past him and into a small room.

              “Hey,” she greets you. She’s sitting up in a bed, under the covers, with a remote control in her hands, flipping through the channels of a small TV in the corner of the room.

              “What’d he say?” you ask a little impatiently.

              “Well, they scheduled a surgery for later this afternoon. I’m gonna have to spend the night so –”

              “Wait, what?” You nearly yell and a nurse walking by shushes you. “What do you mean _surgery?”_

              “It’s a minor thing,” she assures you, but you don’t quite believe her. “It’s just to be sure I don’t have anything serious. I’m gonna text my dad that I’m staying over at LaF’s, so if he asks or anything…”

              “Don’t worry about it, creampuff,” you say, a bit more relaxed, but still not entirely so. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow? You sure you don’t want me to stay?” She stares at you in what you think is disbelief. “What?”

              “Are you being nice to me two days in a row, Carmilla Karnstein?” You roll your eyes.

              “You’re literally in a hospital bed, sweetheart,” you smile. “I’m not that cruel. Plus it’s probably torture enough for you to have to eat the food they give you.”

              “True,” she smiles back at you.

\---

**Laura Hollis POV**

You can’t believe this is happening to you. It _can’t_ be happening to you. But the doctor walked in and said it loud and clear - and from then on, you heard nothing else, but the screaming inside your head. _This cannot be happening to me._

              You’re in Carmilla’s car and though she keeps asking you to tell her, you can’t. You can’t bring yourself to say it out loud. It would make it too real. And you’re just not ready.

              “Laura,” she says your name and it draws your attention. “You can tell me.” Her eyes are soft and caring, which is something you’d never quite seen in her before. You shake your head.

              “I’ll tell you,” you promise. “I just need to tell my dad first.” She nods, understanding. The rest of the drive is quiet.

              Your dad cries when you tell him, which makes you feel guilty even though it isn’t your fault. He hugs you tightly, literally sobbing into you and you have to hold him straight. _You shouldn’t be doing this. He should be holding you._ Thankfully, Lilita is there to pull him away and calm him down a bit. He stares at you with bloodshot eyes and a look of despair. You promise him you will be okay. You don’t know why you lie.

              Carmilla’s in the living room, waiting expectantly for you to come out of your parents’ room. When you do, the two of them follow behind you, and Carmilla stands up, staring at them quizzically.

              “Hey,” you say softly, your voice breaking. _Are you crying? Fuck._ You wipe your tears with the back of your hands.

              “Hey,” she echoes you, her voice just as soft.

              “Do you want to sit down?” you ask, pointing at the sofa.

              “No.” she shakes her head defiantly. She’s anxious and you can tell.

              “Okay.” Your dad and Lilita sit down anyway.

              “What did the doctors say, Laura?” She sounds angry.

              “They said I have lymphoma.” You let the words fall out of your mouth because you don’t know how else to say it. You don’t know how to sugarcoat that.

              “You mean you have…” Carmilla begins, but the last word seems to get stuck in throat.

              “Cancer,” you finish for her, nodding slightly. “Yeah, I’ve got cancer."


	2. Part II: There's no way for you to fight this; No spell for you to right this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura deals with cancer. Carmillla deals with feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks so much for your comments and kudos (keep 'em coming!) I know it took me a while to get this new chapter uploaded, but I hope it's worth the wait.
> 
> I cut out the "Laura Hollis/Carmillla Karnstein POV" stuff because you guys should know what's up by now.
> 
> Disclaimer: I know nothing about cancer or lymphomas, so a lot of stuff on here might not be 100% accurate, so bear with me.

_No. No, this can’t be right. Laura can’t have cancer. It’s just not right._ You’re in your room, leaning against the window pane, shaking your head as if it’ll make her words disappear. As if it’ll make it all fucking disappear. You groan, throwing a punch and now there’s broken glass shattered on the floor and your knuckles are bleeding, but you don’t care. _Laura can’t have cancer. Laura cannot die._ You taste the saltiness of your tears as they reach your lips and you realize that you’re crying. You wipe them away, leaving blood stains across your face.

“Carm?” You can hear her walking into your room, closing the door behind her. Your back is turned to her. “Are you all right?” _No. How can I be all right if you’re dying? How can I be all right without you?_ “My dad told me to just give you some space and I can do that if you want, but… I just… I think maybe if we could talk about it.” _Talk about it? No, I just want to make it go away. I want to keep you safe._ You hang your head in defeat and hear her sigh. “I’ll be in my room, then.” She sounds so sad and it makes the knot in your throat grow tighter. _I can’t lose you. Not yet. Not before I…_

You breathe in deeply, before turning around and walking up to Laura, whose eyes open wide in surprise. You don’t even hesitate – you don’t have time to hesitate; you don’t have time for anything. Your lips smash against hers as you pull her in by the waist. It’s a desperate, hungry kiss that makes your insides burn in pleasure and despair at once. You groan into her, tangling one hand in her hair and pushing her back until she meets the door. _God, she’s so perfect._ Her hands come up to your face and you’re afraid she’s going to push you back, but she doesn’t. Instead she pulls you in for more, just as passionately.  

              You kiss until the only thing you see are stars in the back of your eyelids and the only taste you can remember is her mouth on yours. You kiss until you fear you might go up in flames and burn the whole house to the ground. You kiss until your lungs ache for heavy, tired breaths. The kiss breaks, and you lean your forehead against hers, trying to steady yourself. Your faces are both wet with each other’s tears, your chests aching in heartache and fear. _This isn’t right._ You step away from her, looking down at your feet, knowing that if your eyes meet hers, you’re done. You can’t face her. No, not a dying, scared, suffering Laura.

              You walk past her, picking up your leather jacket and car keys from your desk, before leaving your room. You rush down the stairs, nearly tripping in the process, your eyes glazed with tears. _Fuck._ Why do you care this much? You open the front door and quickly jump into your car. You don’t quite know where you’re going – all you know as that you need to get away. From the pain and the fear and this overwhelming ache in your chest you can’t put a name to.

\---                                                                                                                  

You’re standing in Carmilla’s room, your lips still tingling from the feel of hers. You touch them. _Was that real? Did Carmilla just… kiss me? Did I kiss her back?_ You feel dizzy and sick to your stomach. You sit down on Carmilla’s bed and sigh. _Where did she go?_ You don’t understand anything and you have no idea what this means, if it even means anything at all. All you know is that Carmilla kissed you. And you _loved_ it. But she left. _Why did she leave?_ You lie down, facing the ceiling, trying to connect the dots of these strange events. 

\---

“Name?” a very bald, very fat man grunts and you try not to cringe at his odor.

              “Mircalla.” He gives you a look like he doesn’t quite believe that’s a real name, but you don’t really care and it seems like he doesn’t either.

              “Room 205.” He hands you a key tied to a tag that reads _205_ is fainted red ink. You take it and make your way upstairs. It’s the worst place you’ve ever been in. Ten times worse than Jack in the Box for sure. It smells of piss and vomit and sweat and sex. You try to hold your breath until you reach your room.

              It’s small, dark, and dusty, but at least the smell isn’t as bad. You let yourself fall on the bed and the springs startle you. You groan, but you’re so fucking tired from crying and driving all night that you fall asleep there – fully clothed and with your boots still on.

              You dream of Laura – her smile, her eyes, her lips. But then a shadow creeps up from underneath and swallows her whole. You try to yell out, to reach over to her and save her, but you can’t move or speak or think. You can only watch helplessly as she’s devoured by darkness. You wake up in tears.

              The alarms clock next to the bed reads 4:32 AM in bright red lights. You rub your eyes and sit up. _What am I doing?_ It’s Sunday so Laura doesn’t have to go to school – she doesn’t need you. You can spend the whole day hauled up here and she won’t miss you. _But I’ll miss her._ You groan at the thought. You can’t be near her. It fills you with too much of something inside your chest – too much emotion, too much feeling. It’s disgusting, but you don’t know how to make it stop. It just keeps growing inside you like a tumor. Like a cancerous tu – _bad analogy._ You sigh and fall back onto the pillow.

              Your phone vibrates and you take it out of your pocket. It reads:

**12 MISSED CALLS FROM: LILITA MORGAN**

**2 MISSED CALLS FROM: LAURA HOLLIS**

**1 NEW VOICE MAIL FROM: LILITA MORGAN**

**6 NEW TEXT MESSAGES FROM: LAURA HOLLIS**

              “Fuck.” You check your voice mail first.

              “ _Carmilla Karnstein, it’s past midnight and you still aren’t back! Where are you? You know how John feels about you girls being out so late at night. If it were just you, I wouldn’t mind, but you can’t just take John’s daughter without even letting us know where you’re going. If you don’t call me back in the next 24 hours, I’m calling the police.”_

Her voice is angry, but not at all panicked. This isn’t the first time you just randomly run away. It’s something your mother had already gotten used to – you usually came back in less than a week anyway. You just needed to cool down sometimes. You supposed she understood this, considering how sometimes she went on random vacations to Paris on her own. She gets Paris, you get cheap motels.

 _Wait_ , you suddenly realize and replay the voicemail again. _Fuck. Laura, where the fuck did you go?_ You open your texts.

 **Laura Hollis [11:36 PM]:** Hey, are you coming back?

 **Laura Hollis [12:43 PM]:** I think we should talk.

 **Laura Hollis [01:12 AM]:** Where are you?

 **Laura Hollis [1:28 AM]:** Fuck you.

 **Laura Hollis [2:14 AM]:** I didn’t mean that. Please text me back.

 **Laura Hollis [4:33 PM]:** Are you mad at me or something?

              You roll your eyes, but it doesn’t stop your stomach from dropping. _Fucking Laura Hollis._ You laugh at yourself at how ridiculous life is.

              You call her.

\---

              You’re lying on your back, looking up at the stars. There’s something very pleasant in that. She was right. Your heart aches at the thought of her, and you run your tongue across your bottom lip as if you could still taste her. You can’t and it upsets you.

              Your phone starts vibrating and you jump, your heart speeding up and pounding in your chest. The screen light hurts your eyes, so you squint, but still manage to read: “ **INCOMING CALL: CARMILLA KARNSTEIN”** Suddenly there’s a million butterflies bursting to life in your stomach. You answer.

              “Carmilla?” You sound way too excited.

              “Hey, cupcake.” It doesn’t sound as condescending as it usually does.

              “Carm, where are you?”

              “I’m at some cheap ass motel,” she mumbles and you furrow your brow. _Why is she at a motel?_ You’re about to ask, but then she adds, “Where are _you_ , though?”

              “Me?”

              “Yeah, your dad’s worried sick, apparently.” There’s something about that that aggravates you. Is that the only reason she called? Because your dad told her to? “Didn’t he call you?”

              “Yeah,” you say simply.

              “Well, why didn’t you answer, buttercup?” You can hear her yawn. And it’s cute.

              “I didn’t feel like talking to him, I guess,” you say, looking back up at the stars. You wonder if Carmilla’s looking at the stars too. You hope she is.

              “Are you safe?” For a moment, you think she actually cares about the answer.

              “Yeah,” you assure her. “Are you?” There’s a long pause before she replies.

              “Yeah, I’m fine. Do you need me to come get you?” The ways she says it sounds like she’s asking just to be polite and not because she actually wants to.

              “No, I’m actually home right now.”

              “Wait, what?” You laugh.

              “Yeah, I’m on the rooftop,” you explain. “Looking at the stars.”

              “Oh.” You hear her sigh. “Be careful, then, creampuff.” _Oh no, she’s about to say goodbye. And you’re not done._

“Carmilla…” Your voice comes out a little more desperate than you intended it to.

              “What?” Hers sounds aggravated and you cringe. You don’t want her to be mad at you. She usually is, anyway, but… this time it’s just different.

              “When are you coming back?” That’s the first question that comes up. It bothers you that you care this much, when clearly she doesn’t mind randomly dropping from the face of the earth, so you add quickly (as nonchalantly as you can), “I need someone to take me to school on Monday.” You can hear a sigh on the other side of the line.

              “I don’t know.” Her voice is ruff and low and you love the way it sounds, but it doesn’t matter because she hangs up immediately after.

\---

              You can’t go back to sleep no matter how hard you try, so you decide to take a walk. It’s a rather unpleasant neighborhood, but you pretend not to mind. You must be sending out some god awful vibes because no one approaches you.

              You walk into some random bar. It’s dark and you think it might be closed, until the bartender speaks to you.

              “Come on in, cutie,” she smiles. _That’s my line._ You walk over and sit down in front of her. She’s got long blonde locks that fall down to her breasts. “What’ll it be?”

              “Vodka shots” you say and she nods, reaching down for a bottle. You notice a tattoo on her hip.

              “So,” she begins as she pours you a drink. _Stop talking._ “What brings you here?” You take the shot and bottom it, before slamming it back down on the bar and cringing as it burns your throat. She refills it and waits for your reply. You shrug. “Not much of a talker, are you?”

              “It’s just none of your business, cupcake,” you say and it’s the first time in a long time that you’ve said ‘cupcake’ to someone other than Laura. You don’t like it. You drink the second shot. She refills it.

              After a while, a second costumer comes in and the bartender goes over to them instead. You sigh in relief. You call her over a few times, though, so she can refill your shot, but she doesn’t try to talk to you anymore and you’re grateful. It’s kind of hard to pretend you don’t exist, when someone is trying to have a conversation with you.

              _Fucking Laura Hollis. Why did she have to go and get fucking cancer?_ Your insides feel warmer and your thoughts begin to blur. _Fucking fuck. Laura fucking Hollis. If you fucking die, I swear to fucking god I’m gonna kill you._ You wave over at the bartender. _Maybe if I just don’t come back, it won’t even matter. Maybe if I never see you again, I’ll stop fucking caring._ She refills your shot. You smile at her dumbly in gratitude and she smiles back. It’s a beautiful smile. You hadn’t noticed before.

              “You okay there?” she asks and you nod vigorously.

              “Fucking fantastic,” you growl, though you’re still smiling. “Laura Hollis has cancer and everything is fucking fantastic.”

              “Laura Hollis? Who’s that? An ex of yours?” You burst into laughter.

              “She fucking wishes.” You snort. “No, she’s just. This girl.” You don’t quite know how to describe her. _Step-sister? Friend?_

              “I’m sorry,” the bartender says and you furrow your eyebrows.

              “For what?”

              “Uh… for the cancer?”

              “Oh, yeah.” You smile. “The fucking cancer.” You groan, resting your head on your crossed arms. “I kissed her,” you mumble. “I kissed Laura Hollis.” The bartender doesn’t say anything, but you can feel her stare burning into your head. “Why did I do that?”

              “Pity?” She refills your shot and you shake your head. “Sometimes we do crazy shit for people just because we feel sorry for them.”

              “Is that what this is?” You ask, almost desperately, clutching at your chest. _Is that what this burning in my lungs, this ache in my heart, this want in my soul is? Is it just pity?_

              “Could be.” She shrugs.

              “I hope you’re right,” you sigh before taking the shot and swirling it in your hand. You know she isn’t, though. You know it isn’t pity. The feelings had been there, creeping up inside you way before her diagnosis. Like a creature sleeping silently, deep in you. Like a black cat, purring against your heart whenever Laura came near you, stretching out its paws and playing with your heartstrings whenever Laura smiled at you. But it was still tame, sleepy – easy to ignore. It was only until this sudden realization that Laura could die soon that the cat inside you was shaken awake. And now it’s scratching at your insides like crazy, panicked because it might never get the chance to really love her. _Love. Ugh._ You drink.

              ---

              Your dad didn’t really see the point in yelling at you for disappearing, since you’re already sick anyway. You do feel bad about it – or at least you know you should, but you’re too tired to really care. You sigh, dragging your feet to your room, before falling on your bed.

              You can’t sleep. You can’t even close your eyes. You just stare blankly at the darkness, wondering if the day was even real. _Do I really have cancer? Did Carmilla really kiss me? Am I dying? Is she ever coming back?_ You groan, balling up into a fetus position, holding tightly to your favorite yellow pillow.

              You don’t cry, even though you want to. You just can’t. It takes up too much energy and you’re pretty sure half of you is already dead from exhaustion anyway. And the other half dying from cancer.

              “I have cancer,” you say out loud. Your voice doesn’t feel like your own and the words don’t really register until moments after they hang in the air. “It’s your fault.” You know that’s not true. Even if her genes had something to do with it, you know it’s not true. And you don’t really blame her – she’s your mom, after all, but then again, you kind of do. You blame her because she’s not here. You blame her because it’s easy. Blame her because you need to blame someone.

              You finally drift to sleep and dream about Carmilla lying next to you giving you that sexy smirk she’s so infamous for. But her eyes are different – they’re soft and loving and you could fall right into them. You reach your hand out to touch her, but the moment your finger meets her skin, she dissolves – melts into a thick, black goo that fills the bed, the floor, the room. And now you’re drowning in it – drowning in her. You wake up with a gasp and it takes you a moment to catch your breath. _Fuck._ You’re soaked in sweat. _Please come back._

\---

              You didn’t have enough money on you to pay for the vodka shots, so you paid her in orgasms. Three, actually. You feel rather proud that even in your clearly drunken state, you can make a woman cum.

              She’s sprawled on top of the bar, legs wide apart, head thrown back. You sit in a stool in front of her, licking your lips and smirking.

              “This has to be a health code violation or something,” you joke and she laughs, jumping off the bar and collecting her clothes, which are scattered across the floor. “Are we good?”

              “Not quite,” she says, walking over to you and you frown.

              “What? You want more?” You scoff. I mean, sure, you’re a great fuck, but you’re exhausted and drained and sad and fucking drunk out of your mind.

              “Actually,” she leans in and suddenly she’s whispering in your ear. Her breath feels hot on your skin and she smells like peppermint. “I think I’m the one who owes you a little something.” Your eyes widen. _Oh._

“You want…?” _God, I’m so fucking drunk._ You blink.

              “Take your pants off.” You laugh nervously, shaking your head.

              “No, no… I don’t think that…” She’s already pulling them down for you. “Listen… I’m drunk and tired and…You’re pretty, but you’re…”

              “Not Laura Hollis?” _Fuck._ That hits you like a freight train. And it’s true; she’s not Laura Hollis. She doesn’t fucking come close to Laura Hollis. It kills you that you care about this difference. You shouldn’t care. “Not dying of cancer?” _Fuck._ She’s so insensitive. Just like you. _Ugh._ You give her a drunken smile.

              “Shut up,” you growl. “Just fuck me.”

\---

              “Hey, honey,” your dad greets you, knocking gently on your opened door. You groan and roll around in your bed. “Come on, Laura. It’s almost noon and you haven’t had breakfast. You gotta stay healthy.” You scoff at the last word. _Healthy_.

              “Is Carmilla back?” You don’t know why this is the first thing you ask.

              “No, but Lilita says this happens all the time so don’t worry,” he says and suddenly he’s sitting on the bed with you.

              “It does?” You wonder what’s gotten Carmilla so broken that she has to constantly run away.

              “Yeah, whenever things get… hard, I guess. You could tell she took the news pretty hard. I mean, all of us did, but…” He trails off and you sit up, resting your head on his shoulder. “You two were getting pretty close, huh?”

              “I guess,” you shrug. You don’t really know. Sometimes you felt like you couldn’t even stand to be in the same room together. But sometimes you thought you might actually be friends. And then there was that kiss.

              “Don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll come around. Just…uh, don’t rely on her too much.” You frown.

              “What do you mean?” He’s hesitating.

              “I mean, she clearly hits the road when things get tough. Don’t expect her to be the one holding your hand through all of this.” He sounds bitter about it, but you can kind of understand where he’s coming from. His daughter’s just been diagnosed with cancer and suddenly it’s his step-daughter who runs away. You nod. “Those friends of yours that stayed over the other night…”

              “LaF, Perry, and Danny.” He nods.

              “Those are good kids. Stick with them.” You nod. Yeah, they’re good kids. “Or, you know, I was looking online last night at some group therapy sites and –”

              “Dad,” you groan, interrupting him. “Let’s not turn this into The Faults in Our Stars.” He laughs a sad, tired laugh and gives you a kiss on the forehead.

\---

              You feel filthy. You’ve had one night stands before – no big deal. But this time it was different and you feel fucking filthy. You shower three times, but it makes no difference. _Fucking Laura Hollis._ You don’t know why you blame it on her. She didn’t do anything, but somehow it feels right. You get into your car and turn on the radio.

              You drive farther away from Laura, aimlessly, deep in thought. _I should probably go back. She needs to go school… Does she really, though? Is school really that important when you have fucking cancer?_ … _Still, Mother might get mad at me…She sort of always is anyway… Maybe Laura’s worried about me… No, she has other things on her mind…Maybe she needs me to help her out with cancer stuff? …Her dad is more than willing…Ugh… I want to go back… Why do I want to go back? …There’s nothing there but death now… Death and suffering and crying… and kisses and comfort and Laura. Oh, fuck me._

You take an illegal U-turn and head back to Laura.

\---

                You’re in the kitchen, leaning against the island, watching your dad flip pancakes and thinking back on how much your life has changed. You wonder how this happened, but then realize that no matter how different your choices or his choices would have been, you were still going to end up here. You sigh and rest your head on the counter.

                “Up late last night, cupcake?” Her voice fills the room and you yank your head up. You can’t help but grin. Suddenly the day isn’t all that bad.

                “Carm,” you greet her, happily. She rolls her eyes and your grin disappears. “You’re back.” You try to sound like you don’t care, but it still comes out awfully excited. She walks up next to you and leans on the island, giving you a small smile – as if she’s actually happy that you’re happy she’s here. Your grin comes back full force and you can see her smile grow. _God, she’s so beautiful when she smiles._

                “Good morning, Carmilla,” your dad says. _Oh, right he’s still in here._

                “Good morning, Mr. Hollis,” she says in that low, husky voice, with her eyes still glued to yours.

                “Pancakes?” She turns her gaze to him and you already miss it.

                “No, thanks. I better go take a shower,” she says, before leaning back, away from the island. You give her wanting eyes. _We still need to talk. About the kiss. About you leaving…_ She seems to read your thoughts because suddenly she seems very nervous. “I’ll uh, see you around, Laura.” You watch her walk away, leaning your head on your hand and sigh. _At least she’s back._

\---

                You come out of the shower, hair still wet, wearing your favorite leather pants and a shirt with the phases of the moon, to find Laura sitting at the edge of your bed. _Of course._ You roll your eyes, sitting down on your computer chair, across from her, waiting for her to say something.

                “You’re back.” She sounds nervous, which is fine because you feel nervous too.

                “You already said that.” Your voice comes out completely relaxed and you’re grateful for it.

                “I know, I just… I wasn’t sure you’d come back.” She seems so fragile to you suddenly, so you look away.

                “I live here,” you state matter-of-factly.

                “No, I know… I just... Uh…” _God she’s so nervous._ You bring your gaze back up to her and her eyes are dropped down to her fidgeting hands. _Ugh, I just want to hug you. Make you feel okay._

                “Spit it out, Hollis,” you say, clearly aggravated, and she turns to look at you, both hurt and confused. _Fuck. Why do I turn into such a bitch when I’m nervous?_

                “Uh… never mind,” she sighs, getting up from the bed. She’s about to leave, when you find yourself reaching out for her wrist.

                “No, wait.” Your voice is much softer now and it seems to catch her attention, because she turns back to look at you expectantly. “I’m sorry. I’m just… this whole thing has been a lot to process.” She nods, but it still isn’t enough so you continue. “I know it must be a hundred times harder for you, but… I just needed some time to clear my head.”

                “You left me, Carm,” she says and you don’t quite know what she means. You didn’t know you were obligated to stay with her, but then again you kind of do. Something in you – that stupid cat – weighs you down with a certain responsibility, a certain obligation to take care of Laura. And maybe Laura feels it too. “I was really scared.” You feel so fucking guilty.

                “I know. I’m sorry.” You really are. You know you should have stayed and you know you should be nicer to a girl who has cancer. To a girl you really, truly, undeniably care about. You know this and so you’re sorry. _I want to be better. You deserve better._ “But I’m here right now. And… I won’t leave.” It’s a hesitant promise – because there’s still an unbearable fear inside of you – but a promise nonetheless. She seems to accept it because she walks back to sit on your bed.

               “And the kiss?” Your heartbeat speeds up and your lungs ache as you forget to breathe. You don’t know what to say. You were desperate and aching and you thought you’d never get another chance to feel her lips on yours. It was impulsive and reckless.

               “I’m sorry for that too,” you manage to say, but it’s such a lie. You loved it and you’d do it again, but the last thing you want right now is to make Laura uncomfortable.

               “Oh.” She sounds hurt, but you figure that’s just your imagination.

\---

              So Carmilla regrets the kiss. _Great_. Or at least it would be great, if you regretted it too. But you don’t. Not one bit. The soft heat that burned with her touch still lingers on your skin, on your lips and you can’t stop wanting more. You can’t stop your eyes from gazing down to her mouth, you can’t stop shivering whenever she brushes past you. You cannot stop. But it’s pointless and you know this. Carmilla didn’t mean it or she didn’t mean to mean it – either way, she’s acting like it didn’t happen so you figure that you should too. In a way, it’s good for you because you can now put all of your focus on getting better.

              After Carmilla apologized to you, she said she’d give you a ride to the hospital to get your blood test results. Your father gave you a worried look that you pretended not to see as you kissed him goodbye. You know Carmilla is fire, but you can’t help it that sometimes it’s worth getting burned just to feel some warmth.

               You’re in her car now, sticking your hand out the window and feeling the wind push it back. It feels nice. You stop at a red light and look over at Carmilla, whose putting on sunglasses. She notices your stare and turns to face you. You wish you could see her eyes.

               “I wanna see your eyes.” _Did you just say that out loud?_ She furrows her brow, but complies, bringing her sunglasses down just enough so that her dark, intense eyes are visible. You feel your heart swell and your insides turn to goo. _If I could just kiss her…_ The light turns to green, so Carmilla gives you a quick wink, before turning back to the road.

\---

              You’re so sleepy. _Why did promise the cupcake I’d bring her to her appointment, when I could have just stayed home and napped??? Oh, right, because I can’t fucking stand hurting her anymore. Because I want to make her happy. Fuck me._ You sigh and try to straighten up, as your eyelids slowly grow heavier and heavier until…. You bolt up. _Fuck_. Laura laughs at you and you wrinkle your nose at her.

              “This is your fault.” You’re sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Laura to be called on, sitting side by side, but not touching. After you told her that you were sorry about the kiss, you think it best to just respect each other’s personal space. You figure that even if there is that very slim possibility that she might return the feelings, you understand that figuring out whatever it is you two have isn’t her priority right now, anyway, and you respect that. You can wait. Wait until she’s healthy again. Or, well, wait until she…

              “I told you my dad could take me so you could sleep,” she reminds you, giving you a playful smile.

              “I’ll sleep while you’re with the doc,” you yawn and she frowns.

              “You’re not going in with me?” There’s a panic in her voice that you weren’t not expecting.

              “Oh, yeah, sure,” you say quickly, but she’s still frowning.

              “You don’t have to.” _No, please don’t be sad._

“Whatever you need, Laura.” You give her a soft smile and she sighs, relaxing and leaning in to rest her head on your shoulder. The weight of her on you feels nice, and the scent of her hair calms you. You feel dizzy and fuzzy and wonderful. You rest your head gently on top of hers and she shifts under you, so that her nose is touching your neck.

              “Can I ask you something?” she whispers and you have trouble actually catching it, but you can feel her breath on your skin.

              “Of course,” you whisper back, into her blonde locks. 

              “Why are you –?” She sounds nervous.

              “Laura Hollis?” a nurse calls out and suddenly Laura’s on her feet.

\---

              “Just give it to me straight, doc,” you chuckle nervously as you walk into his office, Carmilla following close behind.

              “Have a seat, ladies,” he says and you obey, sitting at the edge of the chair. Carmilla runs her hand down your back to calm you, but you flinch at her touch and she bring her hand back to her lap. _Fuck. Great going, Laura._

              “How are you feeling today, Ms. Hollis?” he asks as he rummages through files.

              “I’m – uh, great. Well, no, not really… because, well, you know…” You ramble nervously and Carmilla gives you a soft look. You sigh and lean back into your chair, reaching out for her hand, and she gives it to you eagerly. Her skin is warm and soft, her thumb running circles on the back of your hand. You find some calm in that.

              “Have you still been suffering from night sweats?” he asks. “Fever? Weight loss?” You nod to all of these and he gives a soft “Hmm.”

“Can you just tell me?” He pulls out your file finally and clears his throat.

              “According to the test results, Ms. Hollis, you are suffering from a stage _two_ Hodgkin lymphoma, which means that the cancer has already begun spreading to your other lymph nodes – specifically, those below your diaphragm.” Your head spins and you feel like throwing up, so you remain silent, squeezing Carmilla’s hand, urging her to talk instead.

              “What does that mean exactly?” she asks.

              “Well, Miss… uh?” Carmilla rolls her eyes and that brings a small smile to your lips. It may be wrong, but being reminded that Carmilla is an asshole who’s only nice when it comes to you, makes you feel special.

              “Karnstein,” you reply for her and she glances over at you quickly, with so much sweetness in her eyes that you wonder if she even is Carmilla at all, before turning back to the doctor.

              “Well, Ms. Karnstein, it means that Ms. Hollis, here, has quite a tough battle ahead of her. But rest assured, her chances of survival are very high, considering her young age, gender, and overall health.” You flinch at the word ‘survival’.

              “My mother was diagnosed as a stage two,” you say softly, tears beginning to well up in your eyes.

              “Your mother was also over the age of 45, had low blood protein and red blood cell levels. Unlike you. And, by the looks of it, was rather inconsistent with her treatment plan,” he says, reading over a second file. “Ms. Hollis, I cannot give you a guarantee, but I can promise you that we, here at Silas Medical Center, will do our best – and a bit of positivity on your end would not hurt. Now, I understand that this news comes as a shock to you and your family and you may want to take some time to process it, but I highly recommend that we begin your treatment immediately. That means, of course, suspending your studies.”

              “What’s the treatment?” Carmilla asks for you and you breathe out in relief because you can’t remember how to speak.

              “We’re going to start you off with 12 weeks on Stanford V,” he says simply. “Which is, of course, chemotherapy. Then, we’ll take another CT scan to see how you’re doing – if you need a change in treatment, if we continue, or if you can go into remission.” You nod, understanding, breathing deeply.

              “Okay,” you say weakly. “Chemotherapy.” The word tastes sour on your tongue, as you remember your mother – bald, aching, weak, nauseous, angry, suffering… “Great.”

\---

You walk to the car, Laura still holding on to your hand. _Strictly platonic. Obviously._ You feel exhausted and devastated and you have no idea how you’re going to survive this. You open the passenger door for Laura and she steps in.

              “You don’t have to do this, you know,” she scoffs.

              “Do what?” You ask as you get in.

              “Be nice to me just because I’m dying.” She steals your sunglasses from the glove compartment, puts them on, leans the seat back as low as it goes and sighs. You frown, wondering if she’s using it to hide her tears.

              “You’re not dying,” you say, before starting the car. _You can’t die._ “You’re stubborn as fuck, cupcake,” you smirk. “Cancer’s gonna have a hard time with you.” She shrugs. “Hey.” She tilts her head towards you and she looks ridiculously attractive in your sunglasses. “I wanna see your eyes.” You echo her own words back to her and that makes her smile. She lowers them slightly, until you can see her soft brown eyes – shining bright and beautiful.

                              “There,” she sighs, before hiding her eyes again. “Now, let’s go home.”

                             You drive back in silence and you’re pretty sure that by the time you get home, Laura’s fallen asleep, but you can’t be sure because she’s still wearing your sunglasses. As soon as you park, though, she bolts up. She takes off your glasses and puts them back in the glove compartment, before stepping out of the car. You follow her inside the house.

              “I have to tell my friends,” she sighs, sitting on the living room couch. “I can’t just suddenly stop going to school.” You nod, silently, sitting next to her, leaning your elbows on your legs.

              “I think that’s a good idea.” And it is. As much as you want to be there for Laura, you know that you can’t keep her sane all by yourself. As annoying as the ginger trio is, they can still probably help her through this more than you. She leans towards you, resting her head on your shoulder.

                             “You should take a nap,” she sighs and you nod, suddenly remembering how exhausted you are. “Thanks for today.”

                             “Absolutely no problem, cupcake.”

\---

              You take your phone out of your pocket and decide to send a group text.

 **Tiny Gay [4:32 PM]:** Hey guys! Busy today?

 **Xena [4:33 PM]:** Only if you count binge watching Agent Carter …again

              You smile. You still like Danny – how can you not? She’s, by book definition, perfect for you. But… she’s not Carmilla, is she? Your stomach flips and you think you might be sick from wanting your broody step-sister so much, but then your phone vibrates.

 **LaF [4:35 PM]:** Perry is trying to teach me how to bake for some reason

 **Perry [4:36 PM]** : It’s an important life skill!

 **Xena [4:38 PM]:** Talk about a married couple…

              You smile again.

 **LaF [4:39 PM]:** What??

 **Perry [4:39 PM]:** I don’t get it?

 **Xena [4:40 PM]:** Lol forget it guys. What did you have in mind, Hollis?

 **Tiny Gay [4:42 PM]:** Hang out at my place?

 **Xena [4:43 PM]:** Is your broody step-sister going to be there?

              You frown and sigh, thinking about Carmilla. You feel like defending her. Telling them that she isn’t all that bad. That she can be soft and warm and kind. But you know you can’t do that.

 **Tiny Gay [4:44 PM]:** She’ll stay out of your way.

 **Xena [4:46 PM]:** Then I’m game! J

 **Tiny Gay [4:47 PM]:** Awesome! Perry? LaF?

              You wait for several minutes. Nothing.

 **Xena [4:53 PM]:** They’re probably off making out.

              You laugh.

 **Perry [4:55 PM]:** Sorry! LaF almost burned down the kitchen!!!

 **LaF [4:55 PM]:** Making out??

 **Perry [4:56 PM]:** We’ll be there, Laura! With brownies! (Not LaF’s batch, don’t worry…)

 **LaF [4:57 PM]:** Maybe if we scrape off the burnt part…

 **Perry [4:58 PM]:** LaF.

 **LaF [4:59 PM]:** Okay L

 **Tiny Gay [5:00 PM]:** Whipped…

 **Xena [5:00 PM]:** Married couple…

 **LaF [5:01 PM]:**???????????????????

\---

              You’re woken up by laughs. Loud giggles and teenage drunkenness. _Uggghhhh._ You roll over on bed, covering your head with a pillow. _Why are her friends so fucking annoying??_ The noise continues and you groan into your pillow before throwing it, frustrated, across the room. You’re clearly not going to be able to finish your nap in peace.

              You step outside and walk into the TV room where, surely, they’re sitting in a circle, drunk out of their minds. You glare at them and they all quiet down, giving worried looks to Laura, who stops smiling as soon as she sees you. Not the best reaction you want to get from her. You raise your eyebrows expectantly and she gets up.

              “Just a sec, guys,” she says to them and they begin mumbling amongst themselves. “Hey, Carm,” she whispers to you.

              “Hey, cupcake,” you smirk at her and she turns her gaze away from you, clearly flustered. Now _that’s_ the kind of response you like to get. “I’m guessing by all the giggling that you haven’t broken the news to the ginger crew yet,” whisper into her ear and she jumps back, blushing. You smile.

              “No, not yet,” she sighs. “It’s a lot harder than you’d think.” She frowns and you want to pull her in and hold her, tell her it’s all right. But you can’t. It kills you that you fucking can’t. “I’ll do it soon, though. I have to.” She looks up at you and smiles, probably noticing your messy hair, but then realization flushes her face and she looks at you almost terrified. “Did we wake you up?” _Fuck. How can you be mad at her when she’s so adorable?_ You shake your head.

                             “No, I was already getting up,” you lie and her face relaxes. It’s worth it.

 

\---

              “Oh my god,” Perry exclaims, bringing a hand to her mouth. “Laura… How long have you known?” It’s not the best question to ask, but you guess that it’s the first one she came up with. At least it wasn’t _When are you gonna start losing your hair?_ Or _So how long do you have?_ Also everyone else seems to still be in a state of shock, so you’re glad at least someone is filling the awkward silence.

              “Just a few days,” you answer. “It’s, uh, at stage two, so…” Danny runs a hand down your back, giving you soft eyes. “The doctor says my chances of survival are high, so… you know… fingers crossed.” You chuckle slightly, trying to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t quite help.

              “It’ll be okay, Laura,” LaF says, giving you a set of sad eyes.

              “We’ll be right here for you,” Danny adds and you nod appreciatively. You should feel lucky; lucky that you have such great friends, lucky that your dad and step-mom are both being as helpful as they can, lucky that even Carmilla is softening her edges with you. You should feel lucky. But you don’t. In that moment, surrounded by sad-filled eyes, you feel angry.

              You think back to your mom and how after she was diagnosed, everyone around her suddenly became so much nicer and considerate, dropping by the house to spend time with her or make her special meals. And you think back, too, to when she died – and how now the people who dropped by came to see _you,_ bringing you bags full of toys and yummy desserts. When people are faced with tragedy, those around them tend to change – they tend to _pity_ them. Your friends don’t care – they _pity_ you. And Carmilla… You cringe and your stomach turns at the thought that this is all this is with Carmilla. All that softness in her eyes, all the sweetness in her voice, and fire in her touch – just pity. And that kiss. The kiss that’s been haunting you. Was it all just… pity?

              “What’s wrong, Hollis?” Danny asks. You realize you’ve stood up from the circle and are now staring down at them. You notice it in all of their eyes – pity, pity, _pity_ – and you’re sure you’re going to be sick.

              “I’m fine,” you lie. “I just… I need to, uh.” _Need to get away. Need to puke. Need to –_ “… pee.”

              “Oh,” Danny says, but you can tell she knows you’re lying.

              “I’ll be right back.”

\---

              You open the bathroom door and find Laura leaning against the sink, breathing heavily.

              “Oh,” you say and she turns to look at you. There is so much sadness in her eyes, you don’t know what to do. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in here.” You’re about to turn around and leave, but her voice stops you.

              “Wait.” She sniffles. _Oh god, she’s been crying._ You take a few steps forward and she looks away, down at her hands as they clutch onto the sink.

              “Yeah?” you ask softly, but she doesn’t reply. She doesn’t even look at you. “Laura.” You treat her name like it’s made of porcelain. “Can I help?” You take a strand of her air and place it behind her ear. She shakes her head, but turns to look at you. For a moment, there’s just silence between you two – each analyzing the other.

              “I hate the way you look at me,” she hisses finally.

              “Oh.” You step back. _I wasn’t expecting that. Why is she suddenly so hostile?_

              “I’m sorry, no,” she says regretfully, as she reaches out and grabs your hand. “Come here.” She pulls you in and kisses you. It’s a sad kiss, though, so you break it, but she keeps pushing into you. You don’t want to do this. Not like this. Not this mess of sadness and regret.

              “Laura,” you groan. “Come on.” You push her back gently.

              “Fuck you,” she mutters.

              “You’re drunk,” you sigh. “Should you even be drinking?”

              “The cancer’s gonna kill me anyway,” she shrugs. _Ugh_.

              “Laura…” You begin, but she interrupts you.

              “Stop saying my name like that,” she groans. _Well fuck. Everything I do today is wrong, then, isn’t it?_

              “How do I say it?” You’re losing your patience.

              “Like you actually care about me.” You roll your eyes. _Jesus fucking Christ._  

              “Self-pitying doesn’t suite you well,” you snap at her and she gives you a sarcastic laugh.

              “You know what? Just leave me alone,” she says and you, honestly, couldn’t get out of the bathroom any faster. _Fuck her._

              You fall on your bed and sigh. _It’s just the cancer and the alcohol and the fear. It’s not personal… It’s not personal. Is it?_

\----

 _I hate this. I hate people pretending to care. Pretending like I’m actually worth a damn to them. Everyone’s the same._ You can feel tears welling up in your eyes. You blink and the tears streams down your face. You wipe them away. _Fuck, you’re ridiculous,_ you think to yourself. _Why can’t I just let them do nice things for me?_ You know why. Because you know it isn’t real. And you want it to be real. You want to be loved. By your friends. By Danny. By Carmilla. _Why can’t I ever be loved?_

              “Oh,” you hear her voice and turn to find Carmilla standing at the doorway. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were in here.” Your heart skips a beat. _Fuck._ You can tell she’s about to leave and suddenly you’re scared.

              “Wait,” you say. And there’s that look again. That softness in her eyes she reserves for only you – for only dying, pitiful Laura. You look down at your hands as she steps forward.

               “Laura.” _God, the way she says my name is so intoxicating._ “Can I help?”  _Why can’t she go back to hating me?_ She takes a strand of your air and places it behind your ear. Shaking your head, you turn to look at her. _She’s so beautiful – god, how I wish this could be real._

              “I hate the way you look at me,” you say and you can tell that your sudden aggression surprises her. It’s not an entirely true statement, though. You absolutely _love_ the looks she gives you.

              “Oh.” She steps back, evidently sad, and your heart aches. _Why do I feel guilty? It’s not like she really cares._ Still, you call out to her.

              “I’m sorry, no. Come here.” She pull her back in, closer to you and into a kiss – as if that’ll make it real. And you think, _maybe it will._ Her lips feel soft, but hesitant. And though she pulls away from you, you push back in. _No. I haven’t had enough of you yet. Please want me back._

              “Laura, come on.” She pushes you back gently and you feel yourself become enraged.

              “Fuck you,” you mutter through gritted teeth. _Fuck you for making me want you. Fuck you for pretending to want me back. And fuck you for –_

              “You’re drunk,” she sighs. That’s not a lie. “Should you even be drinking?”

              “The cancer’s gonna kill me anyway,” you shrug. And you know it’s not like you to act this way, but you’re angry and in pain.

              “Laura…” Her voice is soft and makes your head feel dizzier than it already is.

“Stop saying my name like that,” you groan.

              “How do I say it?” She raises an eyebrow.

              “Like you actually care about me,” you spit the words out and notice as she rolls her eyes at you.

              “Self-pitying doesn’t suite you well,” she snaps back at you and can’t help but give her a sarcastic laugh.

              “Just leave me alone,” you finally say, really believing that’s what you want _._ You don’t understand, then, why it is that your chest feels overwhelmingly heavy as you watch her leave.

\---

              You’re driving Laura to her first chemotherapy session – mostly because your mother asked you to, but also because even though the two of you haven’t talked since the incident in the bathroom, you still want to be there for Laura like you promised her.You glance over to her occasionally, sometimes finding her eyeing you too. She stiffens at your gaze and you try not to smile.

              “Do you want me to head up with you?” You ask as you park. She turns to look at you, obvious fear in her eyes. You sigh, giving her a smirk, “Let’s go, cupcake.” You step out of the car and she follows you.

              “Thanks,” she says softly, probably hoping you won’t hear it, as you walk into the elevator. You shrug in reply, leaning against the wall. The elevator doors open up on the fifth floor and Laura walks out, and you behind her.

              After she talks with a nurse, she’s guided to a very comfy-looking chair. You sit down, next to her on a not-so-comfy-looking chair.

              “I’ll be right back,” the nurse smiles and Laura sighs.

              “You okay there, buttercup?” You ask.

              “I’ve never been a big fan of needles,” she laughs nervously.

              “It’ll be okay,” you assure her. “It’ll only hurt for a bit.” She nods, biting her lip. The nurse comes back and Laura starts to hyperventilate. You laugh, leaning forward. “Hey,” you whisper and she turns to look at you with wide, beautifully terrified brown eyes. “Just look at me,” you smile kindly and she nods. You see her flinch when the needle is introduced, but then she relaxes.

              “We’ll leave the IV catheter in until your entire dose is administered – which should take about an hour. I’ll be over at that desk, if you need anything. There’s magazines over at that table too, if you’re interested,” the nurse says before walking back to her own chair.

              It’s a large white room with about half a dozen comfy chairs, of which only three of them are occupied (including Laura’s). One is being used by an older woman, already bald and wearing a grey sweater over a khaki dress. You notice that a police officer is accompanying her. _Interesting._ You squint your eyes and see she’s wearing an orange nametag that reads “Cisneros”, which you assume is her last name. Suddenly someone slaps the back of your head.

              “Stop staring,” Laura scolds you and you laugh, rubbing your head, even though it didn’t really hurt. “You’re here to keep me company, aren’t you?”

              “Oh, am I?” you joke. “I thought I came here to pick up sexy criminals.” You wink and she wrinkles her nose.

              “She’s like a hundred!” she whispers, so that the woman won’t hear.

              “More experienced,” you smirk and she rolls her eyes.

              “You’re the worst,” she sighs, leaning back. You look at her, sighing as well. _How can someone be this beautiful going through chemo?_

“What are you smiling at?” _Are you smiling?_  You shake your head.

              “Nothing.” You turn to look away.

              “Listen, Carm,” her voice is soft and invites you back to look at her. “I’m sorry about the other day.”

              “It’s okay. You were drunk and upset,” you assure her. And you mean it. You’re not angry about that. You understand that sometimes things are going to get weird and difficult with her, but you signed up for this and you’re honestly okay with that. You’ll deal with it, if it means being close to Laura when she needs you the most.

              “No. I mean, I was, but…” she breathes in, garnering strength. “But I still shouldn’t have handled my issues with you like that.”

              “We have issues?” Your throat suddenly feels very dry and there’s a tightening in your chest. _Why are you getting anxious about this? It’s not like you’re dating._

              “Well… I mean, I guess I’m the one who has issues… with you, you know? Or, I guess, just with people. But…especially you.” _What is she saying?_

“What do you mean?” You lean in, looking at her quizzically.

              “Carm, why are you so nice to me?” _What kind of question is that?_ “You used to hate me.”

              “I never _hated_ you,” you defend yourself, but yeah, it’s true you weren’t really the biggest Laura Hollis fan at first. “I mean, I guess I disliked you, yeah, but…”

              “Well what changed that?” she asks. You blink. You actually don’t know. It just sort of happened. Slowly. Annoyingly. Inevitably. But you don’t know _why._

“Does it matter?” you ask and she scoffs. _What did I say wrong?_

              “It matters if the only reason for you liking me is the fact that I have cancer,” she says and your eyes widen. _Is this what this is about? Well…I mean, I did kiss her right after she told me about the cancer. But the feelings had been there way before that. The fact that she might die before you showed her just gave you that impulse you needed._ “I’m right, aren’t I?” she says after you take too long to reply. _Oh shit, there’s tears in her eyes._

“No!” you nearly shout. The older woman scoffs, annoyed, and you hear her curse in Spanish under her breath. “No,” you say more softly now. “My feelings for you have nothing to do with your cancer, Laura.”

              “They don’t?” She sounds so unsure. _God, how can she not know? How can she not know what she does to me?_

              “Laura, _no_ ,” you smile. “I do actually like you. You’re beautiful and funny and fucking adorable.” She blushes. “Even if you can also be insanely annoying sometimes.” She laughs, wrinkling her nose at you. “So stop worrying about it, creampuff.” She sighs, closing her eyes, and you know that what she’s about to say is hard for her. You brace yourself.

              “What about… our, uh, kiss?” You breathe in deeply. You knew this conversation was coming. Laura wasn’t one to just kiss and shut up about it – she needed analyze every single thing. She opens her eyes and looks at you as if your answer will change everything. You realize it might. You don’t want to lie to her again, but you don’t want to tell her the truth either. Not now. Not when she’s dealing with cancer – not when it could be confused as pity. Not when she may only return the feelings out of fear and loneliness and desperation to truly live before her life is taken away. So you shrug.

              “You need to stop overthinking, cupcake.” You see her try to smile, but her eyes still remain worried, fixated on yours. You reach out for her hand, holding it softly, and her gaze softens. “Let’s just focus on getting you better.” It isn’t the answer she wants and you can tell, but she nods anyway, taking your hand and grasping it tightly.

              “As if I don’t see enough of this gay shit at Litchfield,” the bald woman scoffs, but you pretend not to hear her.

\---

              You’re sitting on your bathroom floor, your dirty blonde hair sticking to your forehead with sweat, as you breathe heavily. The coldness of the tiles beneath you feels nice on your skin, but you don’t have much time to enjoy it because suddenly there it is again. That unbearable nausea at the start of your stomach. You don’t remember moving, but suddenly, you’re over the toilet bowl, hands clutching on to it as you let your sickness pour out of you. _Fuck._ When you think you’re done, you lean back, resting against the wall, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

              Carmilla’s at school and your dad is at work (because you made him go; he wanted to stay and take care of you, but you assured him that you would be fine. You regret it now). You stumble with your phone, trying to check the time. It’s 2:01 PM. Carmilla doesn’t get back until 3. You consider sending her a text, but decide against it.

              You stay sitting there for a long while, until you’re sure you won’t be sick again. You get up with a grunt and wash your teeth, before going into the shower. Once you’re done, you step out, clumsily dry yourself and head over to your room, where you collapse on your bed – still entirely nude. _I’m just so fucking tired. I just need to sleep. Just a quick nap…._ You doze off.

\---

              You rush back home, undeniably worried for Laura. You know you shouldn’t be. She’s fine and the treatment is going well so far, but still. You want to be there for her during every step of the way. You park your car in the driveway and hop off. You go directly to Laura’s room, where the door is already open.

              “Creampuff?” You call out, but there’s no answer. You walk in slowly, your eyes scanning the room in a desperate attempt to find her. She’s not there. You frown. _Maybe she went out._ You sigh, feeling more defeated that you care to admit, and head to your own room. You walk in, throw your bag on the ground, and are about to jump into bed when something stops you. _Is that Laura? On my bed? Naked?_ Your heart jumps and your eyes widen. _Jesus fucking Christ._ Suddenly you feel incredibly turned on, but dirty. You look away. _What am I supposed to do? Why is she here? Why the fuck is she naked?_ She shifts in her sleep.

              “Creampuff,” you say and she groans in response. “As much as I’m enjoying this, I think maybe next time you should use your own bed.” You’re still not looking at her, but you hear her suddenly sit up, clumsily clutching at your covers and trying to hide. You can’t help but smile.

              “Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know how…? I was pretty sure I was in my room… I was just so sick and exhausted and I guess I must have…? I don’t know… I’m so sorry, Carm,” she’s stumbling through her words and sounds genuinely afraid of you.

              “It’s okay, cupcake,” you assure her, turning to look at her. She’s under the covers now, a blanket pulled up to hide her breasts. Her skin is pink with embarrassment and your fingers ache to touch it. You both shiver – you at the thought of her and she at your intense gaze. “Just next time, wait until I’m in bed with you.” You wink and she blushes intensely. _What am I doing? Why am I flirting with her?_ She laughs nervously, and you tilt your head, watching her carefully. _No, Laura, don’t bite your lip like that._ “How are you feeling?”

              “What?”

              “You said you were feeling sick,” you remind her.

              “Oh, right. Yeah, much better.” She looks away, shyly. _That’s so adorable._ “Thanks.”

              “I’ll let you get dressed,” you say finally.

              “Where are you gonna go?” You furrow your brow.

              “The kitchen to get something to eat.” You shrug.

              “I’ll be down in a bit, yeah?” You nod, pushing down a small smile. “So you don’t intoxicate yourself,” she adds and that makes you laugh.

              “Sure, cupcake.”

\---

              You can’t sleep. You feel like you haven’t slept since you started this chemotherapy bullshit – which was 3 weeks ago. You roll in your bed, trying to find a comfortable position, but you can’t. You groan into your pillow. _I just want to sleep. I just want to not feel real. Just for a few hours._ But no. You’re still here and you’re still awake. You’re still dying from cancer and so painfully aware of it. Your body aches in ways you didn’t know it could. Your head aches constantly, your stomach’s in an ever-present state of discomfort, and now you can’t fucking sleep. You run your hand through your hair, and suddenly you’re holding a handful of hair. _Fucking great._

              You sit up. You can’t stand just lying there, just waiting to die. You need something. You need _someone._ You check the time on the clock that hangs on your wall. It’s 3:14 in the morning. _It’s late. I shouldn’t wake her up… But tomorrow’s the weekend anyway… But no, that’s just rude…. Although she did tell me I could go to her for whatever I needed. And I need this. Fuck, do I need this…_ You conclude that you’re the sick one here, so you can bother her with this. Just for this night.

              As you walk over to her room, your mind wanders back to the night she kissed you. You’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, wondering what it meant. Wondering where it had come from. And why Carmilla didn’t want to talk about it. You sigh, leaning against her doorway, watching her sleep through the darkness of her room.

              She’s grunting softly in her sleep, slowly thrusting her hips. You blush, realizing that she’s probably dreaming of something very…intimate. She whimpers, suddenly, and the sound runs through you, paralyzing you, burning in between your legs. You walk over to her slowly, eyeing her as she squirms in pleasure and want. She’s so beautiful this way – and every way, really. You’re tempted to reach out and touch her. You’re tempted to place your mouth on hers, swallow up her moans.

              “Mmmm… Laura,” she whimpers and you freeze. _Holy fuck. Did she just….? Did she just say my name?_ “Fuck me…” she whispers, clutching to her sheets and squirming. “Fuck me, _Laura.”_ Your head spins and there’s only so much you can do to not jump on her right then and there and do exactly what she’s unconsciously begging you to do. _She does want me,_ you realize. _It was real. The kiss was real. The passion and the fire and the lust – it’s real. Not just something of the moment. Not just because I was dying._ You smile to yourself, before placing a hand on her sweating forehead.

\---

              You’re dreaming of Laura. Of her skin on yours. Nails dragging down your back. Lips and teeth leaving marks on you – branding you hers. You whimper in your sleep. _Fuck._ You can feel her breathing hot and heavy on you, teasing you. You groan. You want her so badly, so desperately. _Laura._ You grit your teeth, squirming in bed, your center already throbbing in painful bliss. You need more. _Fuck me, Laura._ You grind against nothing and groan at the lack of satisfaction. Your breath is heavier now – you’re nearly panting, sweat dripping down your forehead, when suddenly there’s coldness. You furrow your brow, confused, and your eyes flutter open.

              You’re met by Laura’s worried look and you feel paralyzed. Her hand is on your forehead, which explains the sudden coldness. You try to swallow, but your throat is dry.

              “Were you having a bad dream?” she asks and she sounds genuinely concerned. You sigh in relief and nod.

              “Wh...” Your voice is hoarse and nervous. “What are you doing here?” It comes out barely above a whisper. She takes her hand away from you and it looks like she’s about to go away. _No, don’t leave._

              “I can’t sleep,” she states simply. “I’m sorry if I woke you up. I can leave…”

              “No, stay,” you sit up and scoot to make room for her.

              “You sure?” You nod and she sits next to you.

              “What’s keeping you up, cupcake?” She reaches out for your hand and you give it her. Your skin burns at the touch as she intertwines her fingers in yours, and suddenly you remember your dream – quite vividly.

              “Insomnia’s just a side effect from the chemo,” she sighs, leaning her head against your shoulder. She runs her thumb against your hand, then drops them both on your lap, her skin slightly making contact with your inner thigh. _Oh, fuck, Laura please stop touching me._ You hum in response. “And I can’t… stop thinking. Worrying.” You rest your head on hers and _god, she smells so nice_. You feel so dazed by her, you can’t reply. “I… I don’t want to die.” Your heart drops.

              “Laura,” you breathe into her hair, bringing your arm around her and rubbing up and down her arm as a sort of comfort. “You’re not going to die.” You know that you can’t promise her that, but you can’t even wrap your mind around the _possibility_ that she might not survive this.

              “If I do, though –” _Stop._

              “You’re not,” you interrupt and she smiles slightly.

              “Okay, but if I _do…”_ You tense up and she must have felt that because her hand is caressing your arm now. You shiver. “If I die…” Her hand trails down to your thigh and your breath hitches. _Fuck._ “I want to do so with no regrets. No… unfinished business.” _Fuck. Is she flirting with me??_ Your head is spinning and you can’t concentrate on anything but the feeling of her hand on your thigh. She guides it closer to where you want it the most and you jump up.

              “Laura, stop,” you whine, but oh fuck, you don’t mean it one bit. Suddenly, you feel her breath in your ear and you don’t even remember her shifting next to you.

              “Why?” She digs her nails into you and you let out a stifled moan. _Fuck._ “Why should I stop?” _Why is she doing this?_

              “Because,” you breathe out. “Because it’s not right.” You groan, throwing your head back and suddenly she’s straddling you, inches away from your face. The weight of her on your lap feels so fucking good. _Fuck, Laura._

              “Why isn’t it right?” She sounds actually curious about the answer. “Because we’re … what? Step-sisters?” she scoffs and you shake your head, staring at her so, completely mesmerized by how fucking hot she looks right now – messy hair and all. “Then why?”

              “Because you’re sick,” you say and it comes out with a lot more sadness attached to it than you’d meant for it to. She looks offended, like her sickness is a turn off, so you add, “I want it to be real.” She furrows her brow.

              “What?” _Fuck._

              “I want you, Laura. I really do.” It feels so nice to say it out loud, finally – like a heavy weight being lifted from your chest. There’s a shift in her eyes. “But not like this.”

              “I want you too, Carm. That’s the point. I want you and you want me; and I’m fucking dying, so why are we wasting so much time?” She has a point. Still, you shake your head.

              “You want me _because_ you’re dying.” She shakes her head vigorously.

              “That’s not true.”

              “No?” There’s too much hope in your voice, but you can’t help it. You want Laura so badly – you’ve wanted her for what seems like forever now, and if she wants you too… If she _really_ wants you, then… You hold your breath.

              “No,” she assures you. “It’s… I don’t understand it…” Her confidence is slipping; she’s not in control of you anymore. You hold her steady, your arms on her back. She leans back on them, bringing her own arms to wrap around your neck. “…I don’t know how… It’s real, I promise… I just don’t understand how...”

              “Me neither,” you say. “It just sort of happened.” She nods, licking her lips and that brings your eyes away from her eyes. She’s so close. _This is real._

              “Yeah. I think… after that sleepover, when we kissed.” Now you nod. “I was…hooked on you.”

              “Really?” She nods.

              “And when you kissed me… Before you went away… I…” She bites her lip nervously, but this time you don’t interrupt her. “I realized how much I really want this. Really want _you_.” _This is real._

              “Me too,” you say softly and she presses her forehead on yours. _This is real._

“Can I kiss you now?” she asks and it’s hesitant now – fearful and shy. _This is real._ You bring your hands back, away from her back, and hold her face delicately, pulling her in so your noses are touching. _This is real._

              “Yes.” Your voice is shaky and nervous, but Laura doesn’t seem to mind. She leans forward, her lips on yours and _Jesus fuck, how your mouth missed hers._ You pull her in desperately, your hands going up to her scalp and tangling in her hair. She sits up on her knees, so that you have to face up to kiss her. You growl into her, after a while, and push her back, so that she’s lying face up on your bed. Her legs wrap around your hips, pulling you closer. Your mouth meets her neck and you hear her gasp as your teeth dig into her skin.

              Her hands are tugging on the hem of your shirt, so you sit back and take it off for her. She looks up at you, a stupid grin on her face, as she reaches out to touch your exposed breasts. You lean back down, back to her neck, as she plays with your nipples. You trail kisses back to her mouth and she kisses you ferociously. _It’s so fucking delicious._ Your hand wanders down her torso, pulling up her shirt and finding her breasts, nipples already erect. She whimpers into your mouth and your head spins.

              “Fuck, Laura,” you growl into her. “Are you… are you sure about this?” You’re breathing heavily, your hips already aching to thrust against her.

              “Yes,” she whimpers, biting her own lips and looking up at you with a hungry darkness in her eyes that you’d never seen in her before. “I want you to fuck me.” She can barely finish her sentence because your lips area already on hers again, you hand travelling down to her crotch. Even though there’s still the fabric of her night shorts in the way, you press against her and she moans.

              “You want me to fuck you?” You grunt, feeling yourself burn with the sound of her voice. “You wanna be fucked?” You slip inside her shorts, feeling her underwear, already wet.

              “Fuck yes,” she moans. You kiss her all the way down to her breasts. Your left hand squeezing her right breast, your mouth sucking on her right nipple, and your right hand pushing aside her underwear.

“Hmmph,” she squirms and you try not to smile.

“You’re so fucking wet,” you say and see her nod aggressively from the corner of your eye. You bring your head back up to look at her, her face flushed with pleasure. You smirk, before leaning down to kiss her jaw. “I can’t wait to taste you,” you purr and her hips thrust upwards against your hand, impatiently. You laugh, before finally letting your hand touch her. She throws her head back as you run soft, slow circles around her clit. “Do you like that?”

“Yes,” she says breathlessly. You start to speed up. “Oh – _fuck_ , yes.” You smile, tightening the circles and picking up even more speed. She moans loudly, arching her back, and suddenly you remember that you’re not alone in the house. You stop. A look of incredible disappointment washes over her and you smile, leaning in and giving her a soft kiss on her cheek. “Why’d you stop?” she asks, still breathing heavily.

“You’re too loud,” you point out and she blushes. “It’s hot,” you add, wiggling your eyebrows. “But… You wouldn’t want our parents to wake up, would you?” You cringe at the phrase ‘our parents’. It suddenly feels incestuous. She shakes her head, biting her lip.

“I’ll be quiet,” she promises. “I’ll be quiet. Just keep fucking me.” You smirk, before bringing your fingers back to Laura’s center. She whimpers, clearly trying not to make too much noise. You place a finger at the edge of her entrance and she responds with a thrust of her hips.

“Laura,” you purr and she closes her eyes, throwing her head back. “What do you want?” She opens her eyes and looks at you.

“You,” she says. “I want _you._ ” You smirk. _Good answer._ You take your hand out of Laura’s shorts and she huffs in disappointment, but then you lower yourself all the way down, so that your head is in between her spread legs. You take her shorts and underwear off quickly, kissing her inner thighs, your hand rubbing her pussy gently. “Fuck, Carm.” You move into her center and kiss her softly, before running your tongue slowly, exploring every inch.

“You’re beautiful,” you say and the vibration of your voice on her must have felt good because she whimpers. “Every inch of you.” You kiss her again. “Is fucking beautiful.” Her hips thrust against your face and you try not to laugh. Your tongue reaches her throbbing clit, running circles on it, and occasionally sucking at it, as two of your fingers start teasing her entrance, before finally pushing themselves inside. She’s moaning again. Loud. But you don’t fucking care. You can’t stop. She tastes so fucking hot and delicious, and you can feel her walls tightening against your fingers. You curl them up and pick the speed and you know she’s about to cum.

Her hips spasm and your eyes look up to her, wanting to see her expression as she orgasms. She has one hand on her breast, twisting at her nipple and another digging into the wood of your bed. She cums gloriously, and you lick up every last drop of her, gently pulling out your fingers as she settles down. You wipe your mouth and sit up, smirking, as you look down at a very satisfied Laura.

“That was…” she sighs, breathless.

“I know.” You wink at her and she rolls her eyes, before sitting up.

“Let me do you,” she says and suddenly you realize how fucking horny you are.

\---

              You wake up curled against Carmilla, your head resting on her chest. You can hear her soft heartbeat and her slow breaths. She’s still asleep. She has an arm around you, holding you close, and as you shift in position, you suddenly realize that you’re both completely naked, pressing against each other. You blush, a smile on your lips, as memories of last night come back to you. You’d fucked Carmilla. And she’d fucked you… Repeatedly.

              You sit up, pulling a blanket up to cover your breasts, and look around the room. There’s piles of hair all over your hair and you cringe. Suddenly, you feel like shit again. You groan and then there’s a hand on your back. You turn to find Carmilla, looking up at you, sleepily. You give her a soft smile, before lying back down next to her.

              “You okay?” she asks, clearly hearing you groan moments ago. “You don’t… regret this, do you?” Suddenly, and for the first time ever, Carmillla looks incredibly fragile. Breakable.

              “No, no,” you assure her. “Not one bit.” She nods, relaxing.

              “Then what’s wrong?” You sigh, resting your head back on her and she draws lazy circles on your bare back.

              “I’m losing my hair,” you explain.

              “Oh.” She tilts her head towards yours and places a soft kiss on it. “It’s okay, creampuff. I’m sure you’ll look just as hot bald.” You laugh, propping yourself up on your elbow so you can face her.

              “Will you still like me?” you ask playfully, but it really is a concern. She smiles at you, running her hand through your hair.

              “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck yeah! They had the sex! 
> 
> Chapter title from: "Love Will Have its Sacrifices" by SOLES 
> 
> Please let me know what you think :) Leave me a comment, a tweet, or a tumblr message. 
> 
> Twitter: @nanamarfil  
> Tumblr ask box: http://savagesacrifices.tumblr.com/ask
> 
> Don't forget the kudos :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! Let me know what you think?  
> Part II will be uploaded soon. 
> 
> Title of work from: "Only Love" by Ben Howard  
> Title of chapter from: "Still Take You Home" by Arctic Monkeys
> 
> You can reach me at: http://savagesacrifices.tumblr.com/ask  
> You can tweet me at: @NanaMarfil


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